light

 Enjoying slowly moving through things.  Friend came over to help load a couch and a table into my truck to take to donate.  "Good thing is you won't have to unload it on the other end, " she said.  She cursed it, I had to.  Didn't want to, but nobody to help.  Oh well.  It didn't kill me.  And then I finally checked my turn signal which had been funky - did you know that the signal going unusually fast is a sign that the light is out?  I didn't, but that's handy.  So I went back out to get the light for it, and then when I opened the assembly I heard something - it was the lightbulb.  It had just fallen out.  Put it back in, and it works fine.  Weird.  Also got a car wash while I was out, trying to get all the insects off my car from the roadtrip.  Used a coupon of course.  $5 is a great deal and it was on the way.  I do like how most things are so near me - all those errands were only like a mile away.  

Laundry finally running, more chores to do today but I'm feeling good with what I accomplished.  It included building a garden bed, half-filling it with mostly decomposed compost (I'll top it off with garden soil), flipping the raw compost bin, filling a large pallet bin with woodchip mulch (to put it someplace, and it's still breaking down).  And other things I'm sure.  Tomorrow I hope to move all the woodchips off the street into my yard - I did free up another pallet bin if I want to use that.  

As I was fixing my truck light, I was called by name, and my neighbor (the Republicans, not the anarchists) asked where I get my native plants.  I told her, and then sort of marveled at the interaction because they have the most pristine yard - watered lawn, manicured roses, all that kind of thing.  I've told them before about my interest in native plants when they've asked what the hell I'm doing, but I never tried to proselytize.  Is she now thinking that it's the way to go?  I saw her putting in a lot of work today with weeding, so maybe she's rethinking her life choices and admiring how little work I put in.  (All my work is in the backyard; the front is just plant it and forget it, pretty much.)    

**

Oof, mornings are rough.  I'm so stiff and sore lately.  I hope my bed's not the problem, wouldn't want to have to replace it.  I think I'm just getting old and the physical activity needs recovery.  I've also had a productive cough for awhile which I'm going to assume is from dust from going to the desert, or maybe from moving mulch (I try to mask up but it's not perfect).  

Woke up at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep for a long time.  This time I can't blame on the dog.  But I'm moving slow.  Nursing coffee now, did get dishes and camp gear put away, bread shaped.  This flour (Amarillo is the type) is fun - the bread is so floofy.  Really fun to work with, soft and springy.  It's a hard white winter wheat, the type I always use, but it's fun that I have access to different types of flour from nearby growers.  I'm toying again with getting a grain mill, but it would only be for freshness (the rye flour I bought was milled in July), so it seems unnecessary.  It doesn't seem that it's cheaper to buy the grain than the flour, and it would be one more appliance to store and I have no more room.  

I've been looking more into the intentional community where the person I know lives, and it seems a possibility.  I'll need to go check it out.  It would definitely push my comfort level to live in close community but I do think it's healthy and necessary.  Logistically it sounds like I could install a tiny home, and I went down the rabbit hole with that and there are numerous economic options for buying one, and they're common enough in this area that finding transport wouldn't be tough.  The community doesn't require a big commitment off the bat, instead taking years to determine if a person is a good enough fit to buy in to the community.  If I can learn to live well with others in community and our values align, it also seems like I could do the travel that interests me while having a meaningful home.  It's the opposite of bougie - the person I know is very forthcoming about challenges with physical infrastructure; for instance, I know of serious mouse problems and that's why I was storing some group things at my house, and that's how I got to know her.  And I'm a little bougie now, so being able to bring my own tiny home appeals to me - plus, having my own retreat space.  But there's so much outdoor work and things to do, and some shared meals, and other community activities.  There are goats and sheep and chickens and ducks, for ethical eggs and milk and meat, and so much food production including vegetables and fruit.  She's a permaculture expert and I always learn a ton from her.  

Anyway, logistically it seems like a possibility.  Timing, I would quit my job in a year, start school, start spending some time out there on workdays and such; once the dog dies, consider moving there and asking the permission required.  Adjust my gestalt to community, putting myself in recovery from rugged individualism and misanthropy.  

I had been flying the idea of putting in a tiny home in Friend's backyard, and she seems open to it, but logistically I think it's a challenge.  It couldn't be one on wheels due to zoning, so I wouldn't be able to remove it when the time comes to sell the house or another occasion.  And Friend is in her mid-60s, so tbh, I need to think of her mortality and how it impacts me.  She's always been a home base, but it's likely that she will die before me, and then I'll be older and more vulnerable, so I should probably be looking into other home base options.  

Oof, I just updated my spending and I've already spent $268 on food for the month. It's to be expected, as Dear Friend spends a lot and I try to keep up with her.  I finally shut down trying to keep up with her though, saying I need to eat at home as I'm already over budget for the month (after I dropped $40 on fancy cheeses and crackers and such for her).  It shifted the balance a bit to her paying more if she wants something, and I loaded her up to take with "free" food (only my labor) such as dried fruit, canned goods, and bread.  I also started making sure we ate before shopping, and made shopping lists aloud to slow her rampant (to me) spending.  She finds joy in spending money on food; I find joy in cutting costs.  It's always been a bit of tension for us that we work around.  

And now I will try to eat from home for the rest of the month, with very little further purchases.  

Bread is in the oven, and this flour is a joy to work with - not sticky.  Usually it's hard to clean up because there's such sticky dough, but today was a dream.  

Because I'm running late it's likely that the trailhead parking lot nearest me will be full, so I'm finding a Plan B.  I feel like crap but want to start a new habit so even if I don't go far it will be worth it.  

OK, lids off bread and it's got less ovenspring than I'm used to.  Interesting. 

When i went out camping, I got really good gas mileage in my car - twice what I usually get.  Interesting.  It's up and down mountains to drive there but still better than in town.

**

OK, the hike didn't happen.  Stomach problems emerged making me unwilling to be far away from a bathroom.  and I had to prioritize, and having a clean house prevailed.  Almost done with all the chores, letting floor dry.  

Plan now is to get up early tomorrow and take dog for longer walk than we usually do.  

It's raining hard now, or it did for a brief moment.  Such a lovely sound.  

**

OK, I didn't get up early this Sunday but hopefully it's still not tooooo busy out where I walk the dog and we can go a bit further.  Got the coffee grinder cleaned first thing so the pieces can all dry out all day before reassembling.  Also pulled out some food that I already have on hand that I can use up - quinoa, bulgur, and the like.  To remind me to think about it and try to not shop unless necessary (I seem to have lost a quart of oats somewhere, which is so weird, but those I'll replace).  

Food today/this week - blitva (garlicky chard & potatoes), cucumber salad with peanuts (use up the last of the green onions), zucchini fritters (got a nice big zucchini to use for this), tuna (have a jar which may have false sealed so need to use it it up), lentil loaf (a common breakfast), roasted cauliflower, green beans (I need to go pick them today) with probably tofu (though I'm also thinking - maybe minestrone), quinoa cucumber salad.  And I need to finish eating the beans that I cooked yesterday.  I think going forward I'll be eating beans on rice more than in tortillas - looks like my local producer of whole wheat tortillas has started adding more ingredients (preservatives and such).  I'm so disappointed with this on top of the whole wheat pitas having added sugar.  I can't trust any bread product not made in my kitchen, I guess.  I know that I can make whole wheat pitas but it's just another thing to do.  I don't want more things to do, sometimes I want convenience.  

And I'll go through my freezer to see what else needs to be used up.  I think it's time to turn to berries, yay.  Will get more milk to make yogurt to enjoy with those.  I have plenty of onions and they need to get used up and/or frozen.  Need to go through the fridge to ensure there's nothing I've forgotten about - I know there are some peppers that we got for salsa, not sure what else.  I may do pickled peppers with those.   

OK, and now I've cleaned the dishwasher filter and have started a cleaning cycle with cleaning tab.  And that concludes my usual cleaning lists.  I did not get into the deep cleaning this week as I'd hoped to, the cleaning of rugs level of cleaning.  (Last time I cleaned the rugs, the solution smelled so bad for over a week, so I am reluctant.  I think I need to rinse it all out with water but even then ... it reeks.  And it's a bigger job than I feel like doing casually.  Need to be able to open the house up with warm breezes.) 

I'm struggling emotionally about having to go back to work tomorrow - a lot of anxiety and despair.  So I need to stay focused on the tasks at hand - food preparation, garden tasks, laundry, etc.  But first, dog walk.  I'm also feeling under the weather but I'm not sure how much of that is physical and how much psychological.  

Oof, the dog is very ready to go out.  It's hilarious how she can tell days like this.  

Looks like I haven't weighed myself in three weeks, and I'm up 0.6 pounds.  Where I've been hovering a few months.  I'd like to move off this plateau.  

**

Walk was a bit longer than normal but not much.  Saw another dog where I'd wanted to walk the long route so turned another way, and then ran into a sporting match.  But still pretty good, and the weather was great - 55 degrees and overcast.  Now I need to get out and pick green beans before it starts raining again - the pods are getting too big.  Too late for some, probably.  I also need to harvest root vegetables (carrots, turnips, potatoes), but that's for another day.  

Oo wee - that's a lot more green beans than i expected.  And I have an awful headache.  

**

Powered through cleaning all the green beans.  I think I'll put some in minestrone today, save some to cook later this week (sheet pan with tofu? Maybe, though I'm a little tired of that as I've been doing it a lot), and freeze the rest.  

also got 15 cloves of garlic sliced and chard chopped and potatoes parboiled to make lunch.  Taking time on a Sunday to cook means having time to peel and process tiny cloves - normally I'm watching the clock with time consuming tasks like that.  I have the momentum to handle sweet potatoes that were tucked away, though looks like I need to blanch them before freezing, so that adds another layer.  It's ok, I have time.  

**

So, the blitva didnt' turn out right - I overcooked the parboiled potatoes perhaps, and they just mashed with the garlic and chard.  It's fine.  Still tasty.  

Now I've got minestrone simmering and I think I'll mostly give it away because it's a rainy dreary day and I'll make more another time.   

**

It's 8 pm and I'm feeling frantic about all I didn't do on my time off.  I miss being a teacher with summers off, though I rarely actually took a summer off - between teaching summer school, getting a masters degree, I stayed a busy person. 

I'll be ok.

Finished another book, Yellow Pine.  I wish I'd enjoyed it.  

I need to lean into recognizing how this is the good stuff.  Petting my dog, cooking healthy foods from my garden, message from a beloved friend, having all I need.  I do very much enjoy these moments and want more of them.