more things done

 I had to let linemen into my backyard today for some things.  It was a kinda stressful process of people calling me to commit to just leaving my backdoor accessible for days.  The actual people on-site were super reasonable and it became a total non-hassle.  Yay.

Then the people came to remove the hot tub.  They were a little late, which is fine because they called with ample notice.  They were quick, efficient, no damage, cleaned up.  Super reasonable, though one guy kept trying to sell the company to me and I"m like "Dude, I already hired you, shut up."  They had the good gear and truck to make it happen and it was three strong people.  It's a small family-owned company, and there were two brothers and their good friend from childhood who is deaf.  (He seemed to appreciate the very little sign language I know, or at least humored me.)  If I had tried to do it, it would have been awful.  So glad I paid that $475.  And now it's gone.  And i can figure out how to refinish the boards of shed/patio.  There were rats actively living in the hot tub, not just previous damage, and one ran out when they were moving it.  I am so fucking glad it's gone.  Fucking rats. 

I couldn't sleep last night from the stress but the workday actually turned out really good.  Seeing all sorts of people in the office and talking, like real office talk.  One person who's been there a long time who has seemed to barely tolerate me (I'm awkward) was cool with me today.  I've won her over by volunteering to help a lot.  She was sharing personal things today.  Another coworker was grateful I asked and started talking about caring for her elderly relatives.  Another coworker could possibly become my jamming buddy; she has a busy social life but she might go out graping with me this weekend.  Other rewarding interactions as well; that has been super rare and I'm grateful for it even if I've waited six months for it. 

And I have this huge work project next week, and I got a call that it might actually be much less of an ordeal than planned.  That would be an incredible life bonus right now.  I won't know until Monday unfortunately, or maybe even later, but I'll still take it whenever it comes. 

My colleague on the DL said he thought my horrible team member might get fired next week, but then he learned she's not.  So, whatever.  I keep tolerating the sabotage because what else can I do?  Our reports are unheeded.  I sent another report today.  I told him the hardest part is that she can be SO excellent.  But 99% of the time, it's shit and sabotage.  It's rough.  OK, maybe only 90% of the time, but that's way too much.  She needs to lose her job for so many reasons, but I do not wish her ill at all.  I think she is a broken child, but my trauma-informed response doesn't make me able to do my job. 

I really need to get a spigot in my backyard.  I got one quote but the guy creeped me out and I need to try again.  I need to get that tree guy to come again if he will; I'm finally getting a handle on what all I have in my backyard and what I want to keep or not.  I have so many volunteers, heaps of things I want gone like privet, and plums that want to thicket me in.  If I could pay him for a few hours, it would clear up a lot and I can continue my anti-ivy and anti-blackberry campaign, in conjunction with the anti-morning glory.  NOw's the time, before snow comes.  I also need to get the landscape design guy back and tell him what he's going to do.   We're going to talk about how I need to prep the ground and how to design different sections.  Too much tree talk.  Soon I"ll be able to have heaps of leaves delivered and I'll wheelbarrow them all around.  It's the kind of physical labor I secretly love.  

My house is a pigsty but I dont' have the bandwidth to all that needs to be done.  I need to cook and mash potatoes for vegan shepherd's pie, and that will probably be my last chore today.  HOpefully I sleep well tonight and tomorrow will be less weary.

I also need to start planning fence expansion and massive sweet gum removal.  I might wait until spring, not sure.  

Oh, and I got some tests ordered from my medical provider.  I"d like to figure out the pain flare-ups, and I might wait to go take the tests when I'm in pain.  What sucks is how much better I feel without exercise and when eating poorly. 

why I push

 Three months ago or more, a colleague called me to rant.  He was so upset, livid. Demands were placed on him to help people, and he didn't want to give the benefit of the doubt.  He wanted to assume that things wouldn't work out, slamming me with his years of experience.

It was a very long conversation and very upsetting.  At first I tried to be supportive and coaching, but then I got to the point of basically telling him to do his fucking job, and he said he would until he could find another.  

I have stayed on his back, especially since it's clear I couldn't trust him.  His direct supervisor looped in on everything.  I made him give me regular reports, and i pushed him when he said something wasn't possible.  I wasn't mean generally, though sometimes I got a bit short.  

I know that I can seem mean, rude.  I get overwhelmed and short-tempered and it's no excuse and I try to stop myself but sometimes I just dont have any more patience. 

Today he sent me this email after something we'd been working on, "I appreciate how you are so involved and support me!  I also appreciate how you apply the vision for change functionally in your work.  Thank you!!!"

A win?  Maybe.  A small one.  He will go back to bitching and I'll keep forcing him to humanize and be understanding of imperfect people.  He is doing better, though.  And I'll keep watching him.  

I had another person thank me last week for humbling her, by forcing her to see other people's perspectives.  

Look, I am difficult.  I'm not comfortable for the vast majority of people to be around.  I'm prickly, I'm very demanding.  But as hard as I push others, I push myself.  I'm on this lifelong quest to grow.  

But the other truth about me, called out many years ago by a family member to whom I no longer speak, was brought up in line at Costco.  The cashier person asked how I am, I asked how he is, he said bad, I asked why, he said that's nice I care, I said yeah, it's easier to care about strangers than people I know.  

Strangers have it easy with me.  I give the benefit of the doubt to anyone I don't know.  But if you're in my sphere, I will challenge you at every turn, and I'll be fucking awkward.  It can be hard to like me.  I'm not everyone's flavor. 

But at the end of the day I don't give a fuck about how liked i am.  What I care about is, "Did I do well?  HOw can I do better?  HOw can we?"  

And dude, change is me.  I am change.  I don't know anyone who has lived more lives than me - more locations, more careers, more all new all the fucking time.  

I'm tired as fuck and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

lucky

 I know I say it here all the time, and it may be the non-flaring pain, but I just cannot get over how lucky I am with this life.  

The only real life goal that I had was to have a house and a dog.  When I was 19 years old, I saw a detergent commercial once with a man who awoke with his dog and took it for a walk and then they ran back into the house, and I said, that. That is what I want.  A cute little house and a smart midsize dog.

And so I've had a dog for much of my adult life, and I've had numerous houses.  I now make better money than I ever have before (which is good because I'm older than I ever was before) and my life is just fucking sweet.  I have a job where I'm kind of a badass and do good, I have a house with a fucking garage and covered patio and mudroom.  I mean, what kind of fancy am I?  

And living right near where I can share food is fucking brilliant.  Do I want lasagna?  Yes.  Do I want a whole pan?  no.  Pack it up and share it.

I have fucking fruit trees and the dog and I really enjoy just going out and eating fruit together. These green plums are great!  We're nearing their end of season and it's been a very good run - Friend, dog, and I have had a lot, other visitors, and a bunch to other people. Despite all that, there are still so many on the ground, and next year I'll be better about picking and distributing them to waste less.   The last of the pears will go into the dehydrator tomorrow.  Maybe I'll figure out all those apples, but maybe not.  And it's ok if I don't this year.  I have heaps of time.  I'll be here five years.  

Though TBH it'll be really hard to give up my job.  Not the actual work - that is tough and exhausting - but the great salary and benefits.  My health insurance is almost free and it is pretty good.  OK, maybe that's the only benefit I"ll miss - they are so stingy with the others, like parking and even water in the office.  (Everyone here says the tap water is so great, but if it's not filtered through my Berkey it gives me heartburn and tastes really bad to me.)  

I love my Berkey filter so much, and I"m so glad I learned about it years ago.  In case of emergency, I can use it to filter the nearby creek water.  So when my permaculture advisor pushes me to put in large water containment, I decline.  No need.  I definitely paid attention to that when buying this house.  I can also walk to a river if need be; it's not as close, but women walk farther for water in many parts of the world, and i have a wheelbarrow.  

That sort of symbolizes why I feel so content at this stage of life - I have accumulated items that so improve my quality of life, but more importantly the knowledge about them.  There are always new things to learn of course, but I've got much of what I need. 

Of course I am very simple.  I still use the plastic trunks for end tables that I have traveled with all around the world - they are great as luggage or mailed internationally.  They are just so convenient.  I have some art that I got from my Buy Nothing group and a yard sale, which I like and fits my vibe (earth tones with blue and green), and I don't even remember the last time I hung art on my walls.  If ever.  I don't usually need things like that to feel in my space.  

The dog and I slept hard for over eight hours last night so I'm feeling good today.  AFter getting the sourdough sorted and walking the dog, I'll drop off what I cooked yesterday to share. Yesterday I was dropping off things and another woman was there.  I thought she was taking things but she was giving - her apple tree apples mostly, and some PBJs (which was something I was also dropping off).  I wish we'd talked more; we talked about the plums and she took one.  I think we were both startled to see each other there as usually we just drop off and don't know the others who do.  The only things in the refrigerator were what she'd dropped, so it was definitely needed. She had her dogs with her and something about her just reminded her of me, the awkwardness and just helping because it needs to be done.  

OH, I need to source some local cabbage for sauerkraut.  Friend ate all that I planted (which was the purpose and I'm glad for it).  She'd overlooked a large zucchini in the garden that I grabbed and now need to figure out how to cook to share in a way that is tasty and economical.  One thing though about the sharing of food is that they want the ingredients listed, which totally makes sense and is very reasonable.  The problem is that my arthritic hand does not want to write that out and I don't have a working printer (I got one for free but I need to hook it up to get it working and then get ink).  To be required to label is a barrier, so I try to do enough. 

Heaps to do today, mostly all somewhat enjoyable (even if I dn't enjoy cleaning my house, I certainly enjoy it being clean; and even though I don't enjoy having to do my job on the weekends I definitely enjoy not being unprepared for important meetings), need to get rolling.  

worth driving around town

 I woke up this morning on a mission to make my house clean.  A neighbor was coming by at 1 to help me measure my kitchen for new cabinets and i had a lot to do. And with a deadline, I actually made it happen, yay. And at the same time I was seeing posts of things being given away that I was arranging, so the day ended up pretty great. 

- Neighbor, it turns out, is an architect.  He had great input on my kitchen.

- I got a painting with a color scheme that goes well in my living room and it's of a wharf which makes me nostalgic.

- I got a Blue Book for food preservation, which is always helpful. It had been very well-loved.

- I saw Friend and set her straight on some financial transactions. She better keep fucking checking with me going forward.

- I got a dozen yard eggs in barter for jam I made from plums from my backyard.  I liked her and she showed me around a bit.  It was cool to see all the transformations she'd made in her suburban lot to a dense food forest. 

- I made ten turkey sandwiches and picked plums to share with whomever needs it. (I went back an hour later and the plums and some of the sandwiches were gone and that makes me happy.) 

- I got more jun (like kombucha but green tea and honey).  I really like that I can just refill their bottles or mason jars because they have it on tap. 

- I got two free monstrous plants in pots - a gooseberry and a native dogwood. I liked how the guy had landscaped his yard and I even saw gaura which I love but I didnt know it grows here. 

- I checked the fluids in my truck and there is still no sign of the anticipated head gasket collapse.  

- I got pupusas that were really good.  

- Another batch of pears processed into the dehydrator.  Next year I am definitely setting up a net system because it is sad to see so many perfect good pears mangled when they fall down to the ground.  I cut around the bruises and such.  I've still processed several jars (they turned pink!  Probably because the tree doesn't get watered) and many in the dehydrator.  I think I've gotten probably 60 pears or so, and the neighbors have gotten some as well.  So it's a pretty great tree, I just need a net.   

- Friend came over to help cut some things up from mudroom reno so I can put it in my trashcan, but she forgot her saw (though she remembered a banana to share with the dog) so she hauled it away to cut up. 

The more connections and pathways I make in this town, the better for me both now and long-term.  

I keep thinking about how lucky I am.  On so many levels. 

talking to each other

 We have a new person in my office with my job.  She's not new to the job or I'd be looking out for her more; she knows much more than I do and has been in the business for years.  Someone who knows her from a previous job told me I'd really like her before she was even announced, and tbh I had no opinion for quite some time. 

But then yesterday she reached out.  At a staff meeting I had posed a tricky situation that I'm in and asked everyone their feedback.  Hers was right on the nose, and then she followed up with an email to me, offering to engage in a series of meetings to help me prepare on a big project of which this is a part - and which I've not ever done before but is a big part of my job.  

That kindness, that feeling not so alone, is wonderful.

I work with a dozen people in my position, and they are all lovely people.  If I reach out, they respond.  But we never have water cooler conversations and they never reach out to me to ask how I'm doing and what I need. The few times we're in the office together, their doors are closed. They never share things unsolicited.  They almost all know each other from before, having worked in other places together and brought each other on. I sometimes ask stupid questions because I'm tired or overthinking, and then I feel self-conscious and don't want to keep asking questions with "duh" answers.  I'm sure people think I'm an airhead, which is a very new look for me, and unfortunately I think is kind of true now because of my age, my fatigue, my health - and also because this is a hard fucking job usually done by young, energetic people.  And I just need to do good enough to not lose the job. 

And so of course things could be so much worse with the people I work with, but it is lonely to be frank.  I feel very isolated.  I have much closer relationships with people who are not my direct colleagues, which is peculiar but I just lean into it because what else am I going to do.  I'm grateful for those people.  

So to have one of my colleagues reach out and offer to workshop with me - that's game-changing potentially.  I love to workshop.  I love sharing and hearing thoughts and pulling together.  We can all improve when we communicate in this way.

Here's hoping it's not empty promises and that we actually convene and make this a new habit.  It will significantly improve my work life if it does. 

she got the check

 Friend's fraud got interrupted in time.  She got the check from her retirement benefits and we will work together on a safer place for funds to be.  

It's still such a weird scam and I worry about another shoe dropping.  We wiped her computer, changed all passwords, but is she safe? 

God, I hope so.  

I'll remind her to never trust anyone who calls her since they have her number as an easy mark. 

the tale of the sink

 Friend is helping me replace my utility room countertop and sink.  The counter had been poorly installed and there was mold and delamination, and the sink is very stained.  Since I had to replace the counter, why not spend $84 on a new sink as well?  

And I let Friend take lead because they're all her tools and because she works in a home improvement store, and we both believe she knows these renovation things better than me. 

But what we forget over and over is how long it takes her to do things.  I'm much more a jump in person.  I carefully read the instructions and if any questions I find a video.  And then I start and power through.

She argues with the directions.  So, I drew a template for the sink cutout on the counter, but she thought it was too big so instead measured a half inch less in each direction and cut that out.  Instead of the maybe 20 minutes to cut it out, we spent more like three because it is not easy to just shave off more.  Why did we not just follow the manufacturer's directions?  I do not know.  I would like to say I have learned, but I haven't - I'll still let her do things like that in the future.  

Then there is the issue of the final step.  On this one, we followed directions and she was sure that it was a simple final clip in of the sink.  IT IS NOT SIMPLE.  It is super difficult because the holes to insert the screws into ARE NOT THREADED (why the fuck??) and it extremely hard to reach the areas because of build-up (and it's at a good height, I'm no reducing), and the piece itself is very hard to manage.  I hate this manufacturer so much.  And had I been on my own, I would have played putting those parts in before caulking the sink down, because I always do things like that.  I trusted the characterization of an easy clip-in.  

So none of this is to disparage friend - she's being cautious and thorough and that's her way.  I just need to let my way trump a bit more because I've learned a lot myself the past 30 years of home repairs.

And what a good friend she is to spend her day off on this project.  She spent hours filing down the counter edge where it meets a bowed-out wall.  I'm not sure those hours made a difference but she is, so that's great.

I had to spend those hours meeting with a landscape designer, who stayed twice as long as expected, and didn't really get me what I want.  He's extremely focused on trees, which of course makes sense.  But that's not how I reconfigure yards and so that's hard on me.  He's focused on very big trees which is even harder because TBH I don't understand big trees near houses.  He's concerned about carbon and I really appreciate all that.  I do.  But the other issue is that he keeps suggesting trees that aren't native here; he alludes to their specific ecological utility (such as super important for pollinators), but ... I don't want to invest in an 80' non-native tree.  None of the trees excite me.  A lot of native shrubs excite me, but he was listing other things.  HE's coming to me with his vision and I get that and I want his vision and expertise, but I also have my vision and that's what we're going to do. 

And rather than hearing what I say I want, he focuses on telling me about other things.  Look that's great, I want to learn more things. Sure, let's put in a honeyberry.  But if I have mentioned raspberries 20 times and how much space I want to dedicate to them because they are that important to me, let's maybe focus on that.  

He's also really negative about the site, referring to it as a swamp.  Honey, I've lived in a swamp and this isn't that.  Our water table is high here and soil quite clay, but this was an orchard before it was developed and I have so many plum and apple and pear and grapes, so mabye it's not that bad, eh?  I know that he's managing my expectations of what will grow, but I already get that.

Anyway, mostly I was annoyed that he stayed SO long, and then between both those things I had to cancel something I'd really wanted to do with neighbors which was pretty important TBH.  And I still dont have a functioning sink.  (And don't want it hooked up until everything is connected and I caulk the fuck out of everything.

Anyway, I'm late to work and kind of dreading being there today mostly because I didn't get any downtime this weekend with all the running about and such, but I have to suck it up. Maybe this is all just a good cautionary tale about how long things take. 

money does buy happiness

 New washer and dryer arrived today, and I've run one load.  It's everything I ever dreamed of.  Clothes clean and dry.  It's fantastic.  

I keep looking out across my yard now that the massive fig tree is gone and I am so happy I paid a man $240 to do that removal.

A man offered free grapes and I hopped into my new car to drive across town because I wanted to try the different varieties.  (Turns out that the grapes that I already have are the best I've tasted.)  I didn't have to worry about my car not working or running out of gas. I do need an oil change soon, and I can afford that.

I can eat whatever I want, wherever I want.  I may not want to cook lately, but I'm very food secure.

exciting times 'round here

 Today a man with a chainsaw came and took away my fig tree.  It so opens up my yard, it's fantastic. Also it was sad because it was a vibrant gorgeous tree.  It was just at my backdoor blocking me in, and I'm allergic to nothing more than figs.  He was such a lovely man, and so good with my dog.  I hope I find more things for him to do because he was just great all around. 

That sparked my memory that I need to reach out to the designer who'd recommended him, and so we have a meeting this week where he'll start design.  We will be in tension, but hopefully we will work it out and it will be good.   

Friend came over and we removed the mudroom sink and counter and started replacement.  We'll hopefully finish that tomorrow, I need to get some things like a hole saw.  

And tomorrow I will take delivery of a new washer and dryer, a stacking set.  Fancier machines than ever I imagined owning, but no regrets.  I will wash so much laundry, just because I can. 

Such is the excitement of life.  

I"m told that my horrible teammate, the one who drags us all down, might be terminated.  I don't know the actual chances, but I'm a bit annoyed that the top person has decided that now is the time to consider that.  Not the past four years in which she has made people miserable - people in my position have threatened to quit if having to work with her.  She's horrible.  And while I do not in any way delight in her potentially losing her livelihood, all the times she has lied and sabotaged do not leave me any feelings but relief.  But I do not understand why the buck had stop with me.  Could she not have been moved elsewhere?  Why stick with me?  I'm unsure, but I'm done. I'm belligerently done.  I'm 11 pm emails to whoever will listen done.  So. Done.  

And I do not want to lose my job over it or because of my temper, so I need to be calm - but I also need to be firm because clearly nobody is looking out for me.  They have conversations and make decisions without any input from me.  I have to speak up more.

***

And now it's Saturday morning and my weekend lays ahead gloriously.  

I keep thinking of the man with the chainsaw and how much he brought to me in such a short time.  He was SO good with my dog.  When I showed him around to the tree I said, "The dog will likely panic and I may need to take her away.  She's not crazy about strangers with machines in her space."  "Oh, that makes sense.  Would it help if she met me?"  I ran so quick to close up the gates to let her out and she liked him so much.  I let them say goodbye as well when he was done, asking if that was ok, and he said much more than ok.  They had instantly clicked, and she still pulled some asshole moves and was zoomyig around but mostly just wanted to be pet by him and he wanted the same.  I told of how small her life is because of her issues and how important this yard is for us.  He told me of dry farming initiatives which have me very interested on my small scale and of botanical education that somehow I've never heard of which is weird because it seems perfect for me.  We talked about dismantling food injustice at our individual level, including the little free refrigerator nearby.  He talked to me of pruning and various such things, and he did such a great job taking away the tree and not leaving a mess.  What an unexpectedly pleasurable interaction. 

I'm kind of worked up about food again, and I've been feeling fortunate so I bought a bunch of groceries for the community refrigerator, and everything was gone so fast.  I'm not sure the model - I think the expectation is more of individual servings of ready-made food, but there are other needs.  I bought eggs and tuna and tortillas and freezer meals and chili and milk and fruit.  Within hours, everything was gone except the pasta.  It's weird to buy fruit when so much is all around us right now, but not everyone wants to deal with wormy apples and bruised pears, and there was a good sale on grapes and bananas.  

I'm probably not going to be able to buy bags of groceries like that all the time, but I can definitely keep an eye out for sales and good deals.  LIke when cheese was $1.49 a block,  $4 discount.  I have the on-line deals and the app, and sometimes there are really good deals I can buy lots more of.  I also bought bread and today I'll put out sandwiches with almost-expired peanut butter and jam made from my backyard plums.  These gestures seem small because I want to battle injustice at the large level, but sometimes people are just hungry and need a PB&J.  Usually I bake my own bread and I got a bunch of rye flour for free when a neighbor went gluten-free, but TBH it's not always great for sandwiches and I hate cutting it.  So a loaf of bread on sale it will be.  I need to get the printer working that I got for free so that I can print out labels of prepared food I put in there.  I want to make lentil shepherd's pie this weekend and that should be good to share.

And so what I realize in the past few days is that there is more for me here than I give credit for. There's much I can do with plants and food - so many opportunities of things to do in retirement.  And I love my house and its central location.  I feel so lucky to be able to have it, and I could walk or bicycle to nearly everything I need. Plus the activist neighbors are great to collaborate with (we are to make cider tomorrow).  And I have space to take people in if they need healthcare not available to them in their home states, or seeking asylum, or anything like that.  Once I no longer have my dog, I could potentially foster animals (though I do not want to commit to having another dog).  

Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad place to retire.  

But first I must accrue significant savings and pay off the house.  I don't know exactly how I will do that as fast as I had hoped (as I would have been able to with the house that I recently left behind, which cost so much less and had rental income).  

First is to continue these repairs and upgrades that I can enjoy forever.  I can estimate costs but there are a lot of moving targets still.  Hopefully finish up mudroom this weekend and start really turning my attention to kitchen.  And yard.  More fencing.   Then bathroom.  And then I should be mostly done except for tinkering like replacing ugly light fixtures and such, and repairs as they come up. Hopefully by this time next year I'll be done with the big stuff, and I will have had a raise at work and be better settled into my spending habits.  Then I can really project out how soon I can retire.  

 

tensions of frugality and a comfortable life

 Yesterday I gave away a washing machine though my Buy Nothing group, and the fellows who came to pick it up were in a very old van and they had not bathed in so long it hurt my nose to stand near them.  One was missing a hand, both were elderly, so a lot of the lifting fell on me.  It used my last spoon of the day, but it's ok.  

And I was jolted to the realization that I do not want to age like them.  I like having car doors function properly, I like my daily showers, and to be honest I like being able to buy the fancy washer and dryer so that I can give away the old ones that still work just fine (and are better than theirs with the heavy leaking from rusted out sections).  

I guess I've always thought of myself as a crunchy granola cheapo, who wants to reuse everything and is moving away from this capitalist nightmare.  I love Buy Nothing groups, I love saving trash to turn into treasure, I love scavenging.  

But they are past my limit.  I am now quite enjoying comfort.  I bought a house for far more than I ever imagined, and I'm improving it to hopefully sell for even more - and to enjoy in the meantime.  Luxury appliances aren't going to hurt my resale value.  Though TBH, they are *not* luxury; they're LG, highest reviews in Consumer Reports, and were on a massive sale.  They're more of an investment for my quality of life in terms of quality of laundry (which is more important to me than is probably normal), and by getting stackables it frees up a nice area by the mudroom door.  I have no regrets.  

And this is how I want to live my life until I die - I want to be able to get high quality things at a good price, when I want.  And I don't want all the time - I'm not switching things out for colors or anything like that.  I just want a solid life, with showers.  And I want to share abundance.  

This desire for comfort means I'll have to stay in the rat race longer, to pay off this too-expensive house and have sufficient savings.  

Though I don't know what will come next.  I do not really imagine being old here, this place is too blah.  But I do not know where I will go, what I will do. 

a glorious three-day weekend ahead

 No plans to do office work this weekend, nothing urgent ... though I still brought my laptop home in case I feel motivated to work on a big project a few weeks out.  

Lots of cleaning ahead - unsure how my house gets so dirty in a week, but there are also those few last moving-in tasks of cleaning, like scrubbing down unused guestroom cabinet interiors.  I also have to organize better - have a few last boxes to unpack and put items away, and then I need to organize dresser drawers, linen closet, and figure out better organization for my office closet.  I have yard work; managing all the windfall fruit, and I think the apples in the front yard are ready so picking and sharing/saving them; continuing to chop down the branches that godson and I hacked down last weekend so that they fit in the compost bin. I need to go buy a weed whacker and hit some spots which will worsen since we've got some rain. (Yard work is easy with no rain for months - I let the grass all die and then I dont' have to cut it.)  I need to reach out about next landscaping steps, including getting that fig tree taken out.  It has heaps of green fruit on it so we'll probably wait, but I really want it gone.  It disrupts the flow of the backyard because of placement and hugeness, and because I'm so allergic I have to keep away from it.  All the little moving-in tasks continue, like replacing doorknobs, putting up hooks.  I have a lovely bookshelf that I got for free, and I need to fix a hinge on it.  I also need to clean the outside of my house - at least the windows and knock down the spider webs and such.  I've been putting that off until cooler weather and I think that's now. 

Laundry, of course, and the last time with these workhorse machines.  On Monday I will give away my washer and dryer, with the expectation that next Saturday my new ones will be delivered.  The new ones are fancy AF, very highly rated, and at 50% off almost exactly as much as the bonus I got at work.  I'll stack them to give me space by the backdoor to put tools, etc. I don't want left outside.  

Food is big.  I've been eating like a feral dependent, with restaurants and prepared foods and whatever I can pick off the tress in the backyard (the green plums are quite tasty).  I really need to get back into planning and cooking.  Hopefully no food preservation this week, unless I need to deal with pears.  I've done so much and I think that's where all my energies have gone - five different types of jam, canning the rest of the 5 gallons of plums that godson and I picked last week, and then processing a big bunch of tiny, wormy windfall apples to can into only a pint and a half.  A lot of work for what?  And I don't even care for applesauce (though do use it for baking).  I baked a plum dessert and shared with the little free pantry nearby, and I'll keep doing that. As I get back into cooking, I'll have more food to share.  I'd like to do things like a big pot of red beans in the crockpot every Monday.  Easy routines to feed myself and others.  I will bake sourdough for the first time in this house, and I'm very excited to be eating my bread again.  Maybe Ill bake two days in a row to have to share.  I need to get another pan for baking.  I hope my oven works right - I haven't used it yet. 

I called around to get the hot tub removed. I think it's just too icky for me.  I'm not a fan of them in general though do recognize how they would help with my chronic pain, but it's just too mildewy and was unused too long and I can actually see scratches like from rats trying to get into the panel.  That's too much.  So Ill spend $500 to get rid of it, and then I can really clean my patio corners.  Figure out if I want to do something to make the concrete look nicer.  I'll probably expand the shed area that adjoins it, but that's a project for next year.  Maybe I can get some nice patio furniture on clearance.

We're definitely transitioning into fall.  Cooler weather is quite pleasant, and we even had some rain for the first time in months.  

Oh, I have to go get new shoes.  I saw an orthopedics specialist and one issue with my feet means I need thicker insoles but the boots I wear to work don't have any space because another problem is that I have thick bone growth at my midfoot where my arthritis is really bad.  So I need to sort that out.  Maybe it will be as painless as the bra shopping I did last week?  Here's hoping.

I need to sort out my guest bed.  I have a frame I got for free that I need to set up, and go to friend's house and get the boards we used as a foundation and also the mattress i left there, and then get a new mattress to replace that one.  The frame I'm leaving there is quite high and the mattress very thick, so it made the bed ridiculously high.  I'll separate it - putting the thick mattress on a low frame and buy a thinner mattress for the high frame.  It's just some coordinating and moving and such, but better to do now before we run into rainy season.  

OK, a very thrilling weekend ahead.  I feel great, at 8 am on Saturday.  By Monday I may be depressed, but I have to work to pay the bills and buy the fancy appliances.  If I can get all this stuff done, I can focus on my next two big tasks: yard and kitchen.  The landscaper guy and I will not see eye-to-eye on a number of things and I'm rather surprised at his lack of knowledge about some things, but I think I know enough to get what I want from him. I've seen his work and really liked it, so I think I'll go with him.  Just need to get that rolling.  And then for the kitchen, I need a hand getting really good measurements, planning for new appliances, and then I need to go spend a day at Ikea looking at the cabinet models and meeting with a designer.  Make the order and plan the other steps like electrician and plumber and flooring, etc.  I think I'll start that in earnest in mid-October, after a really big project at work when I hopefully have some breathing space for a minute.  A friend from out of town who visited and previously used to mud drywall nicely said she'd come give a hand on that, and Friend is committed to helping.  Once the plans start coming together, maybe I can plan for a week off work to really focus on it.  If i can get the kitchen all done by the end of the year, and as I'm working on yard, I'll turn my attention to fixing the bathroom.  Definitely new sink cabinet, and toilet, and lights and such.  Rip tiles off wall to re-drywall (thanks for friends who have those skills).  The issue is the bathtub - it's very flaky (like it had been refinished and it's coming up), and there is a very thick, ugly surround with holes in it that needs to come off.  

But I'm not focusing on bathroom now.  I'm going step by step, and this first step is finishing the move in.

scam?

 I'm really worried that Friend just got scammed out of her life savings.  

I called her yesterday, as her text replies had been brief and she sort of cryptically said she wasn't available after work this week.  I had seen her on Sunday, and I was kind of annoyed as she had monopolized the time of friends who'd driven down to see me.  On MOnday, I swung by her house swiftly to pick something up.  i"d texted in between, and finally made her answer the phone on Thursday.  "I can't talk about it, the FBI said I can't talk about it."  

Well, that got my attention, right?  

She said that her retirement account had been hacked through her (new) computer with check requests made by hackers, and it was international so the FBI involved and she was told not to talk about it. I got some details, but I didn't push her too much as she was trying to obey the feds.

But the more I thought about it, the more concerned I became.  I texted in the morning, "You independently confirmed the numbers of the people you spoke with, right?"  She didn't respond so I called this evening.  And the more she tells me, the sketchier it sounds.  

I'm so afraid she's just had her life savings stolen.  And I feel guilty that I wasn't there to help her avoid this, even while knowing I needed to move out for my own space and I was right here.  She could have called me to check.  She didn't have to hide it.  

She's worked so hard all her life and she really wanted to go to part-time when she turns 65 next year.  If this was a scam that just took her life savings, it is awful.  And unfortunately of course the people she needs to call aren't there until Tuesday.  She can't sleep, she's been so upset about it.  She shut down, and I was trying to be gentle.  

I thought that I'd already made it clear she should run things like this by me.  I don't know everything, but I've dealt with hackers and the FBI before.  And I recognize bullshit.  

Scammers have gotten really expert and it's scary AF.  I really hope they didn't just fuck my friend over.