coworkers

 I didn't get the expensive house that needed renovation.  It went to a cash buyer, of course.  I have a sizeable downpayment, but I do not have $500,000 in cash to buy a house, so this is going to be an arduous and difficult process to purchase.  I am grateful to have a safe place to be for me and the dog, and Friend doesn't want me to move out.  I just need my own space and I want to work from home which isn't really feasible here.  Maybe it is but she would need to clear out unused furniture, etc., and she's not ready.

Anyway, because everyone else is working remotely I am still meeting people for the first time.  The cast of coworkers is rather interesting.  One young man who's been very helpful is probably a conservative Christian; hints of farm life and nuclear family are coming through.  Another woman about my age is also to the right of me, but we have many things in common such as being over the desire for living in a more exciting community; she also made a big transition to be here.  A woman a bit younger than me perhaps but quite experienced is someone I would spend time with outside of work - she's fun and athletic.  A young woman recently hired is so bold and hilarious she has me in stitches whenever we talk, and her ability to just say "I'LL JUST DO IT, FUCK IT" is a good reminder that I don't have to always be 100% prepared.  But there is a woman who is super prepared all the time and she let me check out her work and it's a great place for me to start.  There's another young woman who is quite pregnant who has been super helpful, even reaching out to me - I appreciate that she has ulterior motive (she wants me ready to handle some of her work while she's out and she wants me to do it well) but I still really appreciate her efforts.  A young man is I believe married to a man with children out in the country and I want to learn more, but I also have to be careful because he may not be gay (I assumed about another coworker and I was right but then I also realized I need to be careful about assuming pronouns for other reasons).  And the person I will be relying on most closely is VERY on top of things, which is a huge relief for me. 

The staff is very white, though the one Black woman and I quickly found each other and connected. But there is still diversity among them in other ways.  And some are stand-offish but I think they'll come around. OR not.  Whatever.  There are enough welcoming people that I'm good.  I just wish I saw them more often, honestly.  

Am I the only person not crazy about remote work?  

Though I do hate the commute, the parking garage, the schlepping of the things.  And I am really struggling with getting up so early to be there on time.  I hate dressing up even though I'm the worst dressed of everyone and I need to improve my wardrobe. 

another one

 Early this morning before work I went to see another house and quickly fell in love.  Great location, other amenities I seek.  

Offer was due today and it needs extensive work including possible substantial foundation repairs.  It could be well over $100K in repairs and I put an offer in for the max of what I want to pay. Ooof.  Oh, and well over asking price, but they already had several offers.  

Ooof ooof ooof.  I don't think I'll get it - I'm sure somebody will come in with a cash offer.  But I let the realtor do her thing.  We'll see.  I turned as we were discussing and noticed for the first time that there were New ORleans symbols on the fenceposts.  It did seem a sign.  To start, I'd have to replace most of the fencing (make it higher and stronger), upgrade electrical, replace sewer line and quite a bit of plumbing, a bunch of minor things.  A lot of the same things I've seen in my last four houses, with soffits and other fun.  But some new ones.  Keep me on my toes.  

I just got paid for my new job, which was two days early.  The job I quit almost three months ago?  Still waiting for the cash out of leave time.  Good grief.  That place was SO badly run, and this one seems to be much better.  There are some issues but far fewer.  And in that paycheck, I discovered (confirmed) that I am paying only $15 for very good health, vision, and dental insurance.  I took all the premium choices yet still only $15.  Wowza.  And it starts soon so I can get this damn eczema and ruptured cyst looked at.  

And again Im just feeling like I've landed among like-minded souls in some ways.  Well, I do dress much worse than all of them (I guess I need to up my game?  But I just want to bicycle), but I am so grateful for their helpfulness as I start to roll.  It is so shocking to me every day. 

not the one

 It was ok.  I told the realtor to make an offer.

Then I had a horrible allergic reaction and I told her not to.  Mold?  I don't know.  But that was not fun.  

On to the next one

kind of obsessed

I drove by the little house today and I think I might be able to make it work.  I started a loan application and I have an appointment to see it.  It's not under contract yet but I'm acting fast to avoid missing out if it's "the one."   

It's an inexpensive house, relatively speaking for this region.  But what I really like about it is the layout and how it flows, and I also really like the backyard.  And the front yard which is already fenced in.  I picture a patch of raspberries, pretty little sweet peas, rhubarb.  A garden bed with greens.  A kitchen garden for herbs.  Maybe I'd add a tree to the front, though I'm not sure I want to give up the sunlight.  OH, maybe grape vines on a big trellis.  Kiwis along the fence.  And the backyard is already established and I could slowly convert it to more food.  I could put in rain barrels.  Composter. 

It's all manageable.  My New Orleans house - honestly it started to be too big for me.  The yard was so much work.  It was a lot of wide open space I couldn't really let go wild.  And the house layout was kind of weird with little storage.  This little house has more storage than that house with twice the square footage.  Friend's house is small though could be spacious enough, but it too has a lot of wasted space and she has overfilled it with clunky furniture and tchotchkes and so much crap on every horizontal surface because she's filled all the storage with things she doesn't use or even know she has.  And certainly I can be a person who piles and hoards, so no judgment, just observation.  And contemplations of how to do it differently myself.  (Though i will quickly have a jar stash again that will take over so many cabinets, and don't come for me for my jars.)

OH, and there is plenty of outdoor storage as well.  I may need to upgrade some outbuildings but they could be great.  I always need outdoor storage for the garden and such.  

Realtor sent me a list of ten other properties she thought could work for me and I shot them all down.  Too far, too trashy, too industrial-area, too hilly, too popcorn ceiling-y.  If this little house isn't a match, I'll be waiting for awhile likely for another possibility.  Though I'm glad I found this area - I had not been aware of it. 

Fingers crossed. 

it may already be time to start looking at houses

 In theory, I can stay with my friend indefinitely.  It improves quality of life for all three of us (including the dog).  

But two things.

1. I can work remotely three days a week and everyone is, so the office isn't the hub that I'd hoped for.  Working from home most of the time has some real advantages, but I don't have the space in my friend's house to do that really.  

2.  We had our first weekend together since I started the new job and that isn't really great.  After a long week (my friend works physically hard), she's exhausted and just wants to sit and watch TV.  I may get noise canceling headphones but it's still just problematic.  I need space to recuperate before jumping into a new week and I won't get that.  When I lived here before, I was in school and I spent weekends at the library and with friends.  Plus, her house wasn't so cluttered and I had more space.  

So it's still a wonderful thing to be here but I'm getting real soon about looking.  REached out to a realtor last night and found something kind of perfect.  It's really really small but the layout is fabulous - a small 2nd bedroom to be exclusively an office, and heaps of storage, and the space to build (or convert) an ADU if I want.  I don't know about the neighborhood but the location is actually pretty great for the errands I like to run.  It's still bikeable for work things, just a bit further but it looks like great bike paths most of the way.  

Long term this could be a great house especially if I build an ADU.  I could have two different renters in a modestly priced home.  It's liveable now and there's also improvements to be made.  Oh and the backyard is great - it's not just a big square with lawn, it's got some turns and corners and trees and good space for garden beds.  Interesting space for the Catahooligan to spend time.  I'd need to build up some of the fence (it's too short) but it's got some done already. 

This house may not work out, but if it's meant to be, it will be.  I'll start the loan process and ask to view.  

And it's not so far away that Friend and I won't see each other every week.  Plus with this set-up (remote work, living alone), I'll have the bandwidth to build new relationships.  Oh, and it's closer to another good friend (whom I haven't even seen yet). 

Better Things

  

I've always really liked this song, and it feels especially descriptive for me now.

Are all my verses rhyming?

There's always the charm of newness - a new job, a new town, a new hobby, a new beau.  I know that.  I'm a big fan of the new.  

But this job is just blowing my mind.  The people are genuinely nice and helpful.  They say kind things and they do their jobs proficiently.  I'm being given incredible grace to learn the new gig - a luxury I don't need but hey why not enjoy it.  As the person who's been covering for me for months said today, "We all have been through trial by fire.  You don't have to do it here now." 

There are high expectations.  On some things I'm not sure how I'll do.  I mean, I'm sure I'll be fine, but it's a lot.  But I also have a lot of help, including an assistant I share with another person who knows what she's doing.  

They're sharing their work with me so that I can see what needs to be done before I transition in.  That's what I've asked for in numerous jobs before because it's such an effective way to learn, and at this job they offered.  They asked if I wanted to just be cc'd.  YES, YES I DO.  

This just keeps happening - things I pushed for in previous jobs but couldn't get because leadership wanted failure.  

So I listen in on these meetings and there is such a high level of discourse - professional success because everyone is an accomplished adult who is doing good.  

And it's mostly women.  Not all - and the men I've met are very helpful and welcoming.  But the leadership and majority is women, and it's supportive and open.  Like I know things can be.  To the complete opposite of the last supervisor who said "Well, there's a lot of women so there will be drama."  No.  NO.  Fuck that noise.  There need be no drama.  Oh my god that last job was so horrific in so many ways. Forcing me to do things without giving me the information I need to do the things.  Here, now?  I get weeks to mull over the information before doing the things.  I am being set up for sure ... for success.  Not like the setting people up I've endured for at least the past four jobs.  I've just been hopping from bad to worse.  

But now I'm here and I have hope again. I'm slowly adapting to the positivity.

And it's not all great.  I sort of hate that it's mostly remote, so nobody is ever around to stop in and chat with.  I wish there was a water dispenser and an oven and dishwasher in the kitchen.  I don't like having to pay for parking and it being down the street.  I'm having a really hard time getting up in the morning to be on time, and the days feel very long.  And so on.  

Nothing will ever be perfect, but this is just kind of crazy how it aligns with what I've been trying to do for so long in so many places to make things better.  

how to respond to a crisis

 Extrapolations on Apple TV is not comfortable watching.  It's about climate crisis in 20 or so years, and it is not a rosy picture.

I'm careful to not broadcast this too loudly with my New ORleans people, but I'm a climate refugee.  I just chose to jump on one of the earliest lifeboats because I wanted to sell my house before it washed away.  The landloss, the floods, the storms - this isn't just about me being through a challenge with Hurricane Ida.  This is because I left for three years and came back to realize how bad things are.  And also so good - there is no place like New ORleans and it will always be the city of my heart.  I'll send help, I'll offer a couch.  But this is a serious fucking crisis.  The scenes of Miami in episode 3 - I've been through those conversations about what can be saved and what not.  And also the bribery and corruption of course.  

So i get caught in the thinking - there is so little that I as an individual can do but also that doesnt' excuse me and how do I leverage for better large scale outcomes?  Me moving to a place with mostly zero-carbon electricity and excellent composting opportunity doesn't change the shitshow of behavior elsewhere.  Just because I do little things doesn't make a real difference - it's just a way to feel more self-righteous.  I can research and lean all I want into reducing my carbon footprint but it doesn't make a real difference.  

But I don't want to just give up. 

new job report

 New job is better than expected.  Provided to me in organized fashion are so many things I have fought to do in other places - things to help new people through sharing of expertise and procedures.  

For years I have struggled to make things better, with last jobs being the worst - information withheld and sabotage the objective.  I have worked in some fucked up places.  

And maybe there are fucked up aspects here too.  We shall see.  But it actually appears ... good.  Sane. Supportive for success.  People volunteer to help, take initiative, share - it's kind of remarkable after things I've been through. 

I did drive to work but when I came home for lunch I biked back and I have no regrets.  My eyes water in the wind and look bad but I don't care.  And when the day was over the weather was awesome and I saw maybe 200 people out in the 2.5 miles I ride home.  So many people biking past me calling out "left!"  They're all passing me and I do not care.  I already feel stronger after just a month of being back in the saddle sporadically.  And I love that there are groups of us out there waiting at the lights. And I can't even hate on the cars because they are so polite.  I'm so happy to be back here for this reason. I fit right in as a treehugger.  And I"m going to see how far I can take it with my job. 

 

equihox and stuff

 Happy Nowruz.  Spring is welcome here.  

And perhaps by starting the new job on the start of a new season will be a new season of my life - one where I don't get bored and leave within two years for another something new.  I am intrigued that this job trains me for weeks before I do the work that is essentially what I've been doing for years just with different details.  Work that I have been doing for years without much training at all - maybe one day of shadowing and then here ya go.  Fortunately I'm tired and so it won't be a problem to take it slow.

I bought a carafe.  It's cobalt blue and sleek, a well-made Japanese brand.  I have been wanting one for so long.  I drink a large cup of coffee each morning, and it always starts off great but then it gets cold and I hate cold coffee.  Also I'm then tied to the cup of coffee until it's finished.  But now I have a carafe so I can pour multiple little cups of coffee and they will be hot and ready when I want them.  I'm so fucking excited.  

And in my normal life, this would be the only big deal because I generally do not buy a lot of stuff. But I"ve been buying like crazy.  I just bought a cup holder for my bike which is arguably not necessary.  Granted, I can put a water bottle into it which is a good idea, but really I wanted it for coffee.  I get a very lovely coffee at the farmers market and I don't want to have to chug it before I leave - I want to casually sip it on the ride home.  Maybe I want to take tea or coffee to the office.  My last bike had a cupholder that I nearly exclusively used for cocktails, when I'd meet friends after work for a drink then take one for the ride home.  That was a good life.

But most of what I'm buying for my bike is actually necessary, like lights to not be killed and a good lock to keep the bike from being stolen.  Just all these things add up so much.  Hopefully I can quickly get back to my frugal ways soon, and maybe this was all about setting up a good situation for a new job.  Like buying a new bed because I was in so much backpain from the setup Friend had in her guest room.  I won't be buying another bed anytime soon.  Or the $150 on mulch to cover up the muddy backyard.  Huge quality of life bump to not have to pick mud out of the dog's toes to avoid it ending up in my bed, and except for a small load of potting soil I don't anticipate needing to mulch again for a year or more. 

I just had my second cup of coffee from the carafe and it is perfect.  Yay.

I am driving to work today instead of biking or busing.  It is still my default and I don't want my first impression to be of red-faced winded bicyclist.  Let that be a second impression.  I'm wimping out, no doubt.  Oh well.  I'm thrilled to be only two and a half miles from work and I will take advantage of it, even if today that means probably coming home from lunch because my dog is going to be freaking out that I've abandoned her.  

Time to roll this day forward.  

sunny Saturday

 I am really looking forward to getting my new car, and this wait is starting to get to me.  It should arrive in April, so it could be another six weeks or so.

Siiiigh.

I'm not a patient woman.

The good thing though is that I get to query on buyer's remorse in advance.  I had a thunderbolt the other day as I was walking around and looking at cars that really I want a small car.  Back to the drawing board!  But actually, the Forester remains the better choice for me as it can adapt to whatever I will throw at it for the next 15 years or so.  Or until I get an EV.  And this year's Priuses aren't rated great, and older ones are more expensive than new.

And I've even looked into different sources of getting the Forester I want - other dealerships, Costco auto buying, the manufacturer ... and I negotiated a good deal.  The only cheaper option I can find would save me a whopping $40 but is two hours away and also not in any sooner.  

So, yeah.  I'm ready.  I'm still thinking of holding onto my truck for awhile; it's just so convenient for hauling mulch and the like.  If I drive it until it dies, I can donate it.  Plenty of options for that.  I paid to register it so I think I committed to it. 

I ordered so many plants yesterday.  Did I already mention this?  I'm so excited about it!  It's a training program/fundraiser that I'm glad to support but tbh the prices were great that I could not stop myself.  LIke $4 for a six-pack of collards or cilantro.  Yeesh.  I bought so much goodness to pick up in a few weeks.  And there is not enough raised bed space for all this and the seeds I plan to grow, and while I'm happy to share some starts there are also some unused pots that I can fill and use, and then share the food once actually grown.  And my favorite mulch supplier has potting mix I can buy by the truckload for cheap so I think I will after I clean all these pots lying around.  I can also spruce up the mossy pots that Friend uses.  She likes plants in pots and her patio is very lovely in summer.  My plan is to mix in vegetables and herbs with the flowers.  I think it'll be awesome and not much more watering than the pots she was already going to have.

There's still a learning curve to being in the Pacific Northwest after gardening so long in the South.  I'll get it.  It just feels awkward now, not intuitive.  I used to grow things in this backyard when I lived here in college but she's since put in raised beds with brought-in soil and so it's different.  I used to get THE BEST green beans - they grew like crazy.  They're why I bought my first pressure canner.  Had used one a lot as a kid, but it was the first one I bought as a young adult.  I think it's still with a friend a couple hours away that I plan to visit once I have my new car.  That friend also has soooo many jars and hardly cans anymore.  We love foraging together.  We'll have many more adventures.

I'm waiting for it to warm up just a bit more and then I plan to bicycle to the farmer's market.  The first lure is a wonderful espresso I had last week there with a pastry, and then I'll fill my backpack and basket with goodness.  Salad greens and hazelnuts and kale (and chard if I can find it this week) and potatoes and just so much goodness.  I'm drastically overspending on food - and to be fair, in the supermarkets the prices are at least 25% more than in New Orleans.  Major sticker shock.  And I could be eating cheaper, but I'm feeding my friend too so of course the cost has increased.  Plus of course I'm stocking a new house pantry and freezer.  I'm not going to beat myself up about spending money on good food.  

 

thirsty

For anyone wondering about the interested man, I'm keeping him further than arms-length.  He's too thirsty.  He wants my time and energy and I'm not here for that.  He wants to talk about real feelings, and he has way too much time on his hands so he wants people essentially to listen to him and entertain him.  He wants one-on-one time with me instead of with groups, and frankly I find the groups more interesting.  He tries very hard to be respectful and all that but he's got this arrogance that he knows so much and that disengages me.  Maybe he does know so much, I don't know.  But it seemed when we talked that he was smoothing down distinctions which is a big red flag for me - it reminds me when I was in grad school with curriculum specific to regional indigenous people; a new professor actually said, "As a Latina [from Texas], I speak for indigenous women, and I say ..."  Oh, no.  No, no, no.  She was of course not respected by the people she said she was speaking for.  And I'm not saying he's bad like that, but I am saying that I don't have time and energy to spare on him right now. 

I'm very self-contained.  Always have been.  And now that I'm living with Friend, most of my social needs are met.  Plus I'm meeting other people through volunteer activities and such.  He says he's volunteering, but seriously?  There are so many volunteer activities you can be doing if you have so much time on your hands; give your time to people who need it, don't try to be a vampire of mine.  

Maybe I'm totally misreading him.  I admit that's a possibility.  But I've basically said I have no time for him at least until I'm in the swing of things with the new job. 

Friend and I are doing a lot of gardening and such.  It will be really helpful for me with the new job if I have my surroundings in order and clean.  We hauled many cubic yards of mulch so that my dog's paws weren't so muddy, and now we'll add compost to front yard beds because the lack of organic matter in them drives me crazy every time I walk past them.  I need to scrub down the house, I'm cooking up a storm and filling pantry and freezer.  I bought a new bed and I'm rearranging furniture until I find the right configuration.  I'm doing Friend's somewhat complicated taxes (including amending last year's return), and helping her with budget and cutting the damn cable bill.  I have enough on my plate, and I don't need another person making demands on me.  My job will be soooo demanding.  And I'm really trying to start it off on the right foot because I want the paycheck for several years and then retire.  It's a sweet gig if I do it right.

What's on tap today?  Cooking up a bit to finish up the produce in the fridge so I can buy heaps more at tomorrow's farmer's market.  Bean burritos (which are tasty but take some time), beet salad, maybe a turnip salad or maybe I roast them, and sauerkraut (so I need to find my gear for that).  Bicycle to bike store to finish those preparations to be ready to make a habit out of it (I need lights). ORder vegetable starts from a local organization.  Be here for a mulch delivery and start working it.  Move furniture, scrub bathroom.  PUt on new license plates.  REgister to vote. All the fun things. 

ready to work and also really not

I start work again in just over a week, and in some ways I'm prepared.  I've done most of The Things or have them scheduled.  I've kicked back, I've exercised, I have bike routes figured out.  I'm itching to have a place to go every day to do Very Important Things, and I am very ready to be pulling in a paycheck again (the best paycheck I've ever gotten).  I'm ready to start with the employer that I really hope I can stay with for the five years I need for retirement purposes because the sooner I start the sooner I can potentially retire.  I'm also very ready to have health insurance again. 

And also, I'm so very not.  I'm still a little tired from the quick move and the dog still has separation anxiety and falls apart when I leave.  I like my little routines where I do one major task a day or several small ones.  I like the people I've been meeting through activities and I'd like to put more energy there (more on this below).  Today I volunteered with a soup kitchen type thing, and I just love soup kitchens.  Always have.  Almost lost my virginity to a former political prisoner in a soup kitchen.  I helped distribute the fold we made and the woman was like, "Are you ok going there alone?"  Ha.  I usually am pretty comfortable mingling with people who are unhoused and/or in various crises (though sometimes I am watchful), but the people here are just so much easier.  Seriously, I feel like this huge scary burden has lifted off me - I'm no longer constantly scanning for safety.  I can actually sit in my car for a minute and not worry about a carjacker.  And there are horrible things here too of course but the murders and home invasions are usually family members or business acquaintances.  Little likelihood of crossfire. I remember when an ex-boyfriend told me how he felt when he left Viet Nam after two tours, how he could finally exhale - and I cannot even compare our experiences, obviously, but what I feel is akin to that.  I lived in constant vigilance for so much all the time, and now I'm just kicking back and I feel light and free in a lot of ways.  And I want to lean into that.  This challenging job will cut that out.  But hopefully in five years I'll be free again.

And I'm mulling around a possibility.  A man was drawn to me, gave me his contact information (waited quite a while for me to be able to do so, wasn't pushy at all), and I have been sitting on it.  I liked our conversation and think I'd like spending more time with him, but then what?  I'm so averse to relationships but I'm also a little intrigued by it.  He's an adult.  A grown man, a bit older than me.  I think going through a divorce after children have grown, so looking for new friends and activities.  We share at least some interests.  Why not just reach out and see how this goes?  I know that I'm future tripping, but it has just been awhile and I don't know how much time and energy I'll have.

I've been spending a lot of that time and energy on cooking.  How do people do this every day?  Good grief.  I'm really hoping my friend will help pick up the slack there.  She said she can't remember eating vegetables so many days in a row, and it's fun.  But I cannot do that while working this new job. It will be long hours and it will take a lot of me.

I'll reach out to him this week.  See what happens.  If I'm going to feel light and free, then I can also be open and not just for mental exercises or soup kitchens. 

all the things

 There's this new show on Apple TV called Shrinking, and a minor character obnoxiously shouts out something like, "Everything works out for me!" or "I always get everything I want!"

The thing is that this is how I often feel.  

take today.  I went to see a guy's garden and then I was going to stop by the grocery store for a lemon but he grows lemons and let me take some.  And I've been wanting to find a realtor who gets my vibe, and I met one there and got his card and he wants to also hang out which is cool because I also need more friends here.  And then I just became FB friends with a woman there who has more cherries growing in her backyard than she can handle because her husband is allergic and WOMAN, I WILL COME AND EAT ALL YOUR CHERRIES.  I used to can cherries here and I will happily return to that life.  And then a woman was giving away good garden soil so I'm headed out to go snag some of that once I change my clothes and get garden supplies.  And I went to the farmers market this morning and had a perfect latte with excellent pastry and then got all kinds of goodness, even ground beef with some organs in it which is the way I prefer it, and some pretty carrots that will likely end up in salads like what I made yesterday which is pretty damn tasty. Oh, and when I dropped off some packing material I cruised through a thrift store that has the reasonable prices I remember, and I got a good looking food processor (to help shred those carrots) for $8.  

OK, off to go get that sweet garden soil.

What a great day. 

how not to sell a car

 The first dealership I dealt with was good - no complaints.  But then I got Consumer Reports and they weren't ranking high enough, so I moved on.

I went to the Subaru dealership and asked to test drive.  The fellow was new, fine.  But then I had to stand in the pouring cold rain as he wanted to show me how much room there is in the backseat for him to sit. Of all the things I care about, back seat comfort for tall males is not high ranking.  I test drove two vehicles, settled on the one I didn't expect I'd want, asked for a trade-in value and how to proceed.  He didn't understand my focus on a white car only, but I read the research and I like the 12% less likely I am to be in an accident with a white car.  He sort of answered my questions and said he'd get back to me with the trade-in value.  

Then two days passed and I didn't hear from him so I messaged the dealership and the person who responded called, texted, and emailed.  I explained that I'd already given VIN, etc. information and *crickets.*  Another two days passed and I emailed him again, no response.  (I didn't have the contact information for the first guy.)  

So I went at it another way, and my request for information went to a woman.  She answered all my questions AND said a white car in what I want is coming in.  Other guy said there wasn't - and maybe this was new information but if he'd been in touch with me he would have told me.  She got the info from the guy, spoke with the manager, offered me a trade-in value.  Today she got the price cut enough to install a trailer hitch for free and I gave her a deposit.  The price seems fair and competitive. 

During the same time, I had messaged with a dealership further away and asked their delivery range.  The guy said I had to come in and talk to a salesperson.  Then he had the nerve to email me the next day, to which I responded "Thank you for the follow up.  However, I will not be buying from there and you do not need to contact me again.  When I asked about delivery range I was given the runaround."  To be fair, his manager followed up with me to give me an answer, but I had lost interest.

That is THREE men who lost commissions on a new car.  I'm delighted to get the commission to the only woman I dealt with, and just because she did her fucking job.  When we spoke I thanked her and said I really appreciate it, she was surprised.  She was just doing her job.  She was making sure a potential customer had the information they needed to make their decisions.  No hard sell at all.

So yeah, refundable deposit, and I'll get a cashier's check to pay the rest once the car rolls in sometime next month hopefully.  And I'll get the trailer hitch installed immediately because even though I don't plan on towing anything soon, it's great for my bike and for the cargo carrier I'm going to get that will have limited function as a truck bed (not getting gross things inside my new car). 

I'm excited about the Forester because it's a good car for whatever my future holds.  With a trailer hitch it's almost as good as a truck if I need it to be, and I can sleep in it, and it can handle any weather.  I love my truck but it was stressful AF in northern winters.  Ice is not my friend.  

Today is supposed to be a nice day, thank goodness.  The rain has gone on too long.  I have plans to be outside visiting a garden so it's especially nice.  I think I'll also get a mattress and get the garden beds ready (need to work in the compost) and plant some seeds such as peas.  I think I'll go to the farmers market to get more vegetables; last week I spent a chunk of change on meat, eggs, flour, and other expensive things, so this week I'll focus on the vegetables only (most of which I've used up, just have some turnips to roast) and maybe also some hazelnuts.  I cooked some turnip greens the other day and friend was impressed with flavor; I don't think it's common to eat greens this way outside the South and I want to keep eating greens habitually.  (I used coconut amino acids which gives a nice flavor.)

I keep looking on-line at property for sale; saw one yesterday with a huge backyard and not far from a lovely bike route to work, for a pretty decent price - though once I start adding on with another bathroom and ADU, it gets a lot higher.  I really should just stop with all that.  Just stay here with Friend for as long as it works for all of us.  It's going to take time of being around to help get her financial state figured out for when she can retire or at least go to part-time, and I'll do her taxes soon.   And I do want to be around to help transition her out of working full-time (I worry about her health and socialization, as she doesn't have other activities and all her family has moved away though not all too far which is good).  This is a win-win to have me here, and I need to sock away all the savings to be ready to move when the time is right for that.  

On the other hand, if I can purchase the right multi-family sooner than later, I can set it up as both my home and an investment property; even when I move away from this town it could remain an income property into retirement.  I don't mind being a landlord; I just found that it got problematic in New Orleans with hurricanes and such.  There are a few things that I would like to have again in a home, such as space for a home office since my new job allows remote-hybrid.  I have no problem going into work every day for the first few months but if I'm going to stay it would be nice to have more flexibility.

OK, time to roll with this sunny day. 

sharing

 Living with another person can really make things so much easier.  Like sharing coffee creamer.  I usually get the ultrapasteurized half and half because otherwise I don't get through a carton before it starts to turn; my friend uses a lot of half and half and so we go through a carton in about five days, which is perfect timing and lets me get fresh local dairy.  Another is reducing food waste.  I have to get pretty stern about it because she will just let things sit too long without eating them, but if I keep rotating things (as I do because I can't stop myself) then I can usually get things consumed before they're bad.  

I did have to throw out about three bags of long-expired food from her shelves, but that won't happen again under my watch, and I'm about to go through the freezer to clear it as well.  The bonus is of course that if I clear out a lot of things then there's room for my things.  I have a lot more ingredients than she does - she usually has a lot more processed foods.  I do of course need to be careful to not overstep or push.  This is her house and she's graciously allowing us to stay here.  We take up a lot of space.  

I don't know how long I'll be here.  Housing prices are so high and I am particular about what area of town I want to live in (and it's very popular and property gets snatched up so quickly the rare times it goes on the market).  I really need to stop looking at property and focus on starting my job and being sure it's the kind of thing I can do for five years before I commit to being here.   Give it a few months and then hook up with a realtor who can be quick to identify possibilities.  I really want to buy the house next door but I really don't think it will go up for sale for many years.  But maybe something nearby someday. I really lean into the multiple units - an accessory dwelling unit or two.  An above-garage apartment, a converted shed, that kind of thing.  Because I would really like to retire in five years, I will need additional income stream to pay off an expensive house.  

Yesterday I finally reached a salesperson and will likely put a deposit down on a Forester today or tomorrow.  She was so much better than the guy I met in person last weekend who didn't follow up with me, and I may not have to order at all which is nice in terms of getting sooner.  I'm still having a very hard time with giving up my Tundra.  If trade-in value is going to be super low, I may contemplate again keeping it just for hauling and such.  

It's a little warmer today and I need to get out for some exercise.  Time for a bike ride before it starts raining heavily. And I think I'll make moves with getting a new bed.  I feel SO much better today than yesterday.  Sometimes leaning into a bad spot - even eating Oreos - can help.  Sugar definitely makes me feel bad sometimes, but strangely it also makes me feel better sometimes.  Like a boost out of a funk.  This is true whether I'm eating sugar regularly or have gone weeks without.  No idea why, doesn't make sense.  Maybe it's just my very deep addiction.

source of anxiety

 Yesterday we went to the vet for annual exam and vaccines, and I was reminded how anti-vax the vet is.  So no vaccines, no preventatives.  And then my dog bit her.  (First biting of adult human.)

It was not a great day.  

Before we even went I was flooded with anxiety, physiological effects I cannot control.  And the vet is nice.  Very understanding.  But I still feel like I am holding onto a wild beast. 

The dog and I don't really fight for control, but we both need it.  

and because I don't have it, and because she's a loose cannon, it's super anxiety-provoking.  

We're both sleeping this day away, traumatized by yesterday.  

And I can feel depression creeping in, and the timing is good because I should still be able to claw my way out before I start work.

Work.  Sigh.  It makes me depressed.  Housing prices make me depressed.  

I found things to not make me depressed, like permaculture and feeding hungry people, and my weekend is booked up there.  So it's ok to have some down days.  I just would prefer to not have it provoked by my dog's behavior.  

**

Clarification: she snapped, she didn't bite.  The vet's reflexes are quick and she pulled away.  IT was definitely a warning and not an attack.  But still. 

and the winner is ...

 I think I'm going to get a Subaru Forester.  I think I'll order it on-line to be to my specifications.  Not that I want anything fancy, but it would be quite nice to have the things I want and not a lot that I don't.

Today I had a long conversation with the mechanic who encouraged me to consider getting another vehicle.  The repairs we're looking at now are over $9,000 already.  He shared with me the story of a fellow with a vehicle two years older than mine, same manufacturer, and the trouble of finding replacement parts when it's like a computer.  My truck repairs are only going to get more difficult.  Despite the nice new brakes, it's probably time to cut bait.  

Tomorrow I have other appointments so I'll wait until Wednesday and then I'll take action.  Possibly.  If it feels right.  Not crazy about the sales guy but oh well.