a little success

The other day when I tried to bike, I just about died after just a mile and a half.  Heart was racing so hard that I had to stop and turn around.  I made a plan to very gradually build up endurance to be able to bike comfortably to work starting day 1.  I did a few short jaunts around the neighborhood, before I felt any discomfort.  Just to make the habit.  

Today I was going to go to the grocery store down the street and thought I'd just bike a little further first.  So I did.  And then I kept going.  And almost before I knew it, I was at my office-to-be scoping out the good bike racks.  There are a couple that are covered and only two bikes were there so that's exciting.  I scoped out the area including the parking structure to know what's up, walked around a little.  And then I bicycled home. The last mile or so was a little rough because hard sleet was almost horizontal in my face.  It was cold and wet and windy and pretty miserable but I kept going because I was fine.  I had on a hat to keep my ears warm (under my helmet), gloves, and a rainjacket (which I have to replace and get one that allows me to keep keys in my pocket as this one is very fragile), and I was slow at the end but I kept going.  Pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and saw some nice bike parking (though not good bike access to the parking lot) ... and realized I forgot my lock so went home.  So I didn't get what I was looking for but I feel really good about the bicycle commute, including how cars were patient when I was trying to figure out the traffic configurations when the markings were worn down.  

I felt safe and strong bicycling, like I did 33 years ago when I lived here and didn't even own a car.  

So, yay.  Setting up for success. 

Tuesday goals

 Friend's house is small and cluttered, though she's been making a lot of effort and we've gotten rid of a lot of stuff.  But what I just realized is that I'm the asshole making the most clutter now.  Especially in the kitchen, I have food and other kitchen items strewn all about.  Time to clean up today.  Time to clean all the way up, also to finish my bedroom and bathroom.  A couple more things to order too, like a pot rack.  

Hopefully the dog door I ordered will come today as planned and we can set that up.  And soon hopefully the fancy lock for the gate, so I can feel secure that the gate won't accidentally pop open for the dog to escape to rampage.  

So, I finally spoke with my new supervisor and there was some interesting information.  For instance, that I will NOT be traveling extensively for work.  And that I have to pay for parking myself.  And that I'm prohibited (by lease terms) from bringing my bike in to the office and the bike rack available isn't very secure (someone cut her chain to steal the bike her first day riding there).  Also, that I can remote work a couple days per week, and the office hours are long but not strict.  (Be available, we're all professionals, all that.)  I will very much miss my previous job's 8:30-4 hours with an hour lunch each day, but I will not miss how that job only counted butt in seat time as working.  

While I like the idea of remote working sometimes, I don't really have a good spot here to set up for that.  I have concerns about interfering with my sleep by setting up a work station in my bedroom.  I've had a separate office space in previous houses when I worked from home, and also comfortable couch to sit on often.  My friend's couch is very not comfortable, and it's not going away (it's only two years old and she paid a lot for it).  

The good thing about paying for my own parking is that it really pushes me to alternative transportation.  Biking is essentially free after start-up costs (just bought a very good lock which will hopefully be a deterrent) and very good for me.  The bus is pretty convenient and costs less than half the price of parking.  The only real concern with not taking my car to work is when I have to schlep a bunch of stuff for meetings; I can get good panniers but I need to figure out the feasibility once I learn whom I'll be meeting with and how often.  Maybe on those days I drive if necessary and do errands after work that are better with a vehicle.

So now the real question is what I do about the vehicle situation.  Do I: (a) buy a new car and trade-in the pickup (or buy a used car, but the deeper I dive on that it seems like used car deals are hard to find), or (b) pay the $7,500 to fix the fundamental issues with my truck (oil leak, change timing belt while it's out, steering chassis), or (c) try to drive my truck until it truly dies?  The last option doesn't seem great as the steering has been making weird noises for months now and I know it's something I really need fixed before it fails and does other damage.  

I'm leaning towards fixing the truck.  Because it's old and beat up already, I don't mind parking it on the street.  It gets crap mileage and is a pain in the ass to park in small parking lots or garages, so that will push me to use alternative transportation which is my goal.  It's already dog-ified so I won't stress that.  And it's just so fucking useful so often.  Even though I know I can pay to have things delivered, it's just so convenient to jump in the truck and pick it up myself.  I just looked at past automobile spending and in 2018 I spent more than usual (total of $5,000) because of some big ticket item like replacing struts (Thank you, New Orleans potholes), new tires, new timing belt.  But the other years since then has been an annual total of around $2,500 for EVERYTHING (including gas, oil changes, tires, registration, insurance, etc.).  I don't have previous spending records, but except for occasional big ticket items (a new alternator one year), that's been the norm for 21 years.  That's kind of amazing how great this truck has been for so long, needing so little in return.  My annual costs are like 20% of what the average US spending is, which is kind of astounding.  And the check up of the truck was very thorough and most things still look great, and before we knew the expensive oil issue I paid for new spark plugs and brake system flush and all that.  The mechanic said normally when he sees trucks from the South of this age that they are in horrible condition, but this truck is in very good shape overall. 

And yes, the pricing of repairs is legit.  I checked the standard charges and it's right in the middle. Plus I have independent confirmation of the need for the repairs. It's a lot to pay if I'm just going to keep the truck another year or so, but I learned that even if my job shifts to the section that does require regional travel, there are work vehicles to use.  If one isn't available there can be permission requested to use personal vehicle - and if I fix my truck, I'll feel comfortable driving the 200 miles or so again.  I just don't right now in this condition.  And I won't feel ok with it during slippery winter road conditions, but that is not my current reality that I'd need to do that - and if I do, I can get very good winter tires, which helps a lot.  

Waiting on car purchase allows me to wait until I'm more settled.  Like, if I buy a house with a garage, I can get an EV if that is best.  I can't really do that now without hassle (needing to use public chargers).  And the tax credits haven't really been figured out; I think in a couple of years that it will be a lot more logistically practical for me to buy an EV.  

I don't know how long I'll stay here with Friend.  We didn't set an end point, though we talked about me being here for up to a year (understanding mortgage rates AND housing prices are high right now but one or both will hopefully be declining).  I am already itchy for a house of my own again, because of course I am.  But there are so many benefits to me staying with her as long as I can - benefits for all of us.  She says it is really helping her get over her "lazy" for us to be here.  The location is awesome and I can save a heap in housing and transportation costs.  I don't plan to ask to remote work right away, and maybe we can figure out a spot for that by then for a couple days a week.  I've already started working her garden beds, and I will find space for what I need to make sourdough and yogurt and healthy food.

The other good reason to stay here up to a year is that I don't know that this exactly will be the job I stay in for five years - I may have the chance for a promotion (more $$) if I move to another town in the future.  I think I should know within a few months if that is what I can expect or not.  Basically, I just need to wait.  Ideally I would wait awhile because usually I want to leave jobs at about ten months. 

If I move out, my friend will probably get a cat again, which will limit the possibility of having Ziggy hang out here, and then I'd need to find a good dogsitter if job changes to requiring travel.  

So many things to perseverate over, but I do know what's best even if it's hard to keep myself from buying a new car and house. 

damn autofill and the burden of health insurance

 Health insurance?  Sheesh.  What a hassle.  I know that Medicare is far from perfect, but I'm sure looking forward to it.  And I'm tremendously grateful for the ACA as I age.  When younger I used to pick up health insurance from private vendors pretty easily, but I couldn't count on it now.  

When I quit my job in New Orleans, I thought I'd consider COBRA for the gap, but I haven't gotten the info yet and honestly I'm skeptical that I will.  So I turned to the Marketplace and did a timely application and all ... going back in to choose a plan well in time, and I realized that autofill on my computer put Friend's name on the application instead of mine.  It overrode what I'd put in when I filled in the email address, as she'd picked up some orders for me.  How I missed that is beyond me.  And I can't change the name on an application, so in a slight panic I deleted that application and then used a different email address to fill out a new one.  I also better calculated my estimated income because I realized I'd be not earning for two months.  With this considerably lower income, it says I'm not eligible for tax credit and the Oregon Health Plan will contact me.  Whaaaaat?  I'm willing to pay my fair share here and I definitely don't qualify for Medicaid. But then when I went in to check on that and see if there's a number I can call, I realize that I won't get insurance now until APRIL.  Guess my redone application was too late for March.  

Oof.  

I wanted to start my job the last week of March so that I'd get health insurance starting in April, but they said that's hard for payroll and could it be the week before or after.  Before would be good.  I mean, that's over a month sitting on Friend's couch and taking neighborhood walks each day (today is fecking gorgeous but cold - like low 20s and wind advisory), even if it seems so very soon to only have off three more weeks.  I definitely have more to do before then but it seems feasible.  The problem is I'm waiting for status of a permission I need to work here in Oregon which should have been processed ages ago but appears to have been lost in a staffing issue.  So I'm following up, but if they seriously haven't even started that process then I could be benched for more months which has me a bit panicked.  I don't think I'd lose the job over this because I've done nothing wrong, but that's a possibility.  And while I like this leisurely life without a job and manage to fill my days just fine, I really need to be earning money again sooner than later.  

The haircut was a disappointment.  I feel like I've only once had a haircut that I really liked and I have no idea how to recreate that.  But the hairstylist was awesome, very much like her.  And she let me know about a food spot she loves very near to me that I thought was actually something else, so maybe I will go out in this very cold and try that.  Actually two food spots though the other is later in the day and will hit with Friend for dinner sometime.  

At night I start going into a deep dive on cars and it's stressing me out and reducing my sleep.  I'm really leaning into the Mazda CX-30 and might be able to get a good deal on one.  But I should test drive others and I plan to do some of that today.  I should probably just go to the Toyota and Subaru showrooms and ask to try some things.  Test drives just aren't that fun for me so I'm dragging on it a bit, especially since I'm not even sure if I will need to buy a car.  And I start to spin out on what's best.  On the one hand I want a really small car but on the other is that really feasible?  I think it is - I mean, I lived in Russia and have packed a Trabi (tiny car Trabant) with people and things so I know small cars have great potential which Americans underutilize.  I don't want to lean into the American notion of bigger is better - I want better gas mileage and maneuverability into little parking spots.  I also don't want to lean into the American notion of hopping in my car for everything, and also not of buying sparkly new things unnecessarily, so if I can just hang onto my gawky truck then I should.  

I eye the hybrids and think a Prius would be great (or some other hybrids) but I do have environmental concerns about the batteries, and honestly it would excuse me from alternative transport.  I sort of want to hold on and wait for an EV once I have a garage or other easy charging.  I loved my Nissan Leaf.

Ooooh.  That's why I think I like small cars.  Because I do!  I had the Leaf as a second car for about a year and found it awesome.  Of course I still had my truck though (which I never drove in winter).

OK, I'm not ready.  Even though the CX-30 deal could be great, I need the clarification that I'll get on Monday about my car needs for work.  So no test drives today.  Enough other things to do.  

***

Update: permission should be granted within the week.  Boom. I think I'll start job in three weeks.  Need to eek all the goodness out of this time off.  

Off to take a walk ... to see a house.  I know that I should not even be looking at houses now - it's crazy.  I have a perfectly fine place to be right now for many months.  It's better for all of us for me to be here.  Why would I get a place to get a roommate when I can be the roommate here?  

But ... it's my compulsion.  I have to at least go see it.  The location is excellent and it looks like it may have ADU possibility.  It needs repairs but if they're just cosmetic, then ...

car math

 I am really belaboring this whole car issue.  Probably because I have the time and energy to do so, what with not having a job or house to repair.  

I know that trade-ins are notoriously low, but KBB tells me I could expect more than $4K.  Maybe half that is realistic: $2K.  Then I'm saving $8K in repairs that I won't be making to the truck.  That means that really what I would be saving in buying a new car would be $10K, making the Mazda3 Premium I'm looking at actually cost $19K instead of the $29K.  Insurance will cost more, but I will have much better gas mileage and also functioning air bags.  I like the Mazda3 for its AWD and driveability.  I should probably do more test drives.  

I'm just really stuck on the idea of wanting a small car.  Will I regret it? I don't know.  I'd long eyed the RAV4s and Outbacks and old Pilots but ... that's more car than I want.  My friends with Honda Fits and the like haul a lot of crap as necessary. 

Also, I'm kind of stuck on the idea of just driving my truck longer.  I have a message into my future supervisor to learn how much I'll need to drive my vehicle or not, as that will be a huge factor in what I get.  

Already went out for a walk today and did some errands.  If the snow doesn't stick on the ground I may also try for a bit of a bike ride.  Gotta build up that stamina.  

I just broke into the backyard of a property for sale.  Just a block away from Friend, it would be a total teardown - house, garage, concrete, trees even.  The lot is too expensive but it's been sitting awhile and reducing.  If I could build three units, that could be a retirement plan.  One "larger" house (1,000-1,200 sq ft) with 2 bed/bath and office for me, and attached studio (like I had in New Orleans, or maybe over a garage) and then maybe a stand-alone small (< 600 sq ft) accessory dwelling unit.  All this is just pipe dream of course, but I'm intrigued with all the teardown and rebuilds going on around.  The possibility of better use of space and of energy efficiency really captures my attention.  Not that I know how to do it - I'd have to hire good architects and builders.  My friend is actually selling a lot for much less not far from here, but it's not really great for bicycling (some would argue with me, but the dark and the hills make it much less desirable to me than where I am now right on bike paths to where I need to go). 

the hairs

 I try not to get really excited about things (that's how to be disappointed), but I'm super excited about getting my hair cut this week!  It's long, like halfway down my back, and I HATE IT.  I hate long hair.  It's just so not me.  It gets in my way in so many ways. 

So I will go to this creative gender-fluid person who will chop it all off and not try to talk me out of short hair.  I'll get something like a pixie cut, and I'll be able to trust their advice, and I'll lean into the change.  And I'll have a few weeks with it before starting the new job.  (Originally the first appointment was in six weeks, but I kept calling to see about any unexpected opening, and BOOM it finally happened for me!)  

And soon I'll reach out to the new job and suggest that I start in a month.  That gives me about six weeks of time here to set good habits before embarking on a new challenge.  

How sucky is it that Europeans gets more than that off in a block every single year, whereas the only time I get real vacation is when I'm unemployed?  Boo. 

discipline

 I feel like my discipline has faltered in recent years, especially in some areas.  Still strong for work and home/garden pretty much, but not for body and health or dog.  Or time, really.  I think that having chronic pain and fatigue has pushed me off course there, and of course my dog being a lunatic and causing me anxiety.

But I would like to get on track and I'm giving myself this month to start some hobbies.

Yesterday Friend's niece brought her kids to town to meet me and hang out which was fun (they're young so we haven't met in person before, but we were quite taken with each other), and we did a lot of cleaning of the house.  Friend still needs to purge a lot but she's working on it.  Then I went for a walk before it got dark.  This is such a great place to walk in numerous directions but since I havent lived here forever it's different which is fun to explore.  A few blocks away I found a local producer of honey who sells it curbside, and then a little free pantry.  I only saw two dogs out so I felt like an asshole for not bringing my dog, but it's such a busy dog neighborhood that I never know.  

Today I have an appointment for personal training and I'll decide which dog trainer I want to work with on behavioral modification.  The dog's impulse control is shit, and even though we've come so far in our years together in some ways, she's still reacting from her lizard brain and that makes my life a challenge.  

I have several other errands to run that require my truck but I plan to get out for a little bike ride back to the shop.  Though TBH I have a hard time convincing myself these days to bike in cold rain.  Have I really gotten so soft in the past three decades?  It never bothered me before, though I do recall taking the bus some days so maybe I wasn't as tough as I recall.  

All the driving and snacking and now eating treats has really caused some new pudginess which I do not want to stick.  This is a vicious cycle - the fatter I am, the more it hurts to move, the less I move the fatter I get.  

OK, time to face this day ...

this sun though

 We are having some unusually nice weather and I am here for it.  I just walked to the bike shop and then bicycled home and the truth is that I am so dreadfully out of shape it is embarrassing.  Tight jeans (that I found in a bottom drawer, likely left here years ago) don't help.  The other truth is that bicycling in this town is so nice, especially when compared to New Orleans.  So I need to get out and do it regularly to build strength and endurance.  

This makes me toy with the idea of just limping along with my truck as it is for as long as I can.  Or maybe even just doing the repairs with the idea of postponing new car purchase for years. 

I did a test drive today of the Mazda CX30 and then said hey, let's try that with the Mazda 3 sedan.  I liked it except for the headrest.  I liked driving the Mazdas a lot - a nice quiet ride.  But they're fucking expensive.  I have money to spend and it's been burning a hole in my pocket (I've planned on my truck breaking down for years), but if it's not for something really special I don't want to pay more than $30K.  And since I have a dog who rides in my car, I don't really want to get anything really special so long as I have her. 

I've been checking out all the cars I see and the other truth here is that people drive old, ratty cars.  That's probably why I think my truck is just fine, because it fits in.  And if I don't have to drive it in winter weather - because I can take the bus to work and because I can get a work rental for the distance driving - then getting rid of it seems maybe unnecessary.  I don't want to drive another cross-country trek, and I don't have to.  

What I do have to do is finish unpacking and clean up the house.  

in bed

 Strange dream last night that I was in bed with a VIP whom I'd worked for.  He's a very charming, attractive, charismatic man I noticed years ago, but I think the dream was more about processing my very fast leaving.  I wasn't working directly for him, and had I stuck around I could have moved into a position more directly with him and with more power (instead of the toxic micromanager they tried to stick me with).  I don't even think we had sex in the dream, though he's certainly a known philanderer.  But we were in bed and it was an interesting processing of my very quick life moves of late.  

And I'm here now, trying to take things slow to make sure I do process all that before moving into a job that I want to stay in for five years in order to be financially prepared for retirement.  

Just reached out to a personal trainer of the same style I tried in New Orleans.  They're not very conveniently located, but I could perhaps do twice a week now and then once I start work cut back to once a week.  I very much need to focus on strength training and have a hard time doing that on my own.  Hopefully I'll be doing sufficient cardio on my own with walking and biking.  

I'd really love to be able to walk the dog so I may go ahead and line up that dog trainer who says they can address reactivity and aggression issues.  As Friend says, "Dog, your life is small and you don't even know what all you're missing because you're such a jackass."  She would absolutely love walking around, but it's just not possible now (unless I want to do it at 2 am when no other dogs are out, which I do not).  I may try to take her out the road a bit once I get my truck back from the shop, to see if we can find a low dog frequency spot.  She's really struggling with this transition, having a tough time. 

My recent magic number is apparently 1,200.  That's about how much my move here cost, for gas and motel.  And that's how much I'm expected to pay today to get back my truck.  While overall in good condition they found issues, some of which I'll fix and some of which I'll delay.  To replace the steering rack and pinion and repair the boot-like issue I've been noticing (likely caused by bad New Orleans roads) will be over two grand, and they're diagnosing the oil leak now so we'll see what that will run.  Then in awhile I'll need the new timing belt assembly for $1,700.  For a truck in good condition that I"ve not put much money into over the 21 years I've had it, it's an investment that could pay off if I keep the truck several more years.  I'm sort of itching for a new vehicle but I'd like an EV and I don't have a way to plug it in now, so I think before buying a new vehicle I need to be stable at my job and get a house first.  I do have savings for a car already but it won't hurt to wait longer.  

***

Well, bad news on the truck front.  The oil leak is bad and it's from the head gasket.  Once all the things get added up (including the power steering problems that probably ripped from all the New Orleans potholes), just the mechanical repairs will be around $7,000.  I also don't have functioning air bags and last I checked that was over $1,000 to fix (probably considerably more now).  

Oof.  So even though overall the truck is in good shape and I could make this investment for it to likely keep running a long time, I don't know if something else will go.  It's been in some weather extremes, from desert to frozen north to swampland, and all that with time deteriorates rubber seals.  

Siiiiiigh.

To the internets to research a new car.  I have a good dealer a couple hours away that my friends adore after several deals, and their prices are always good (no negotiation, no hassles).  I was planning to go up there to visit soon anyway.

How long can the truck last?  I can check the oil levels and feasibly I may be able to limp along for awhile.  I have questions for my job - I know I have to travel, but do I use my car or theirs/rental?  If I don't have to do much driving out of town, I may postpone this for awhile and do a lot of research.  Which may or may not be helpful - I bought my Tundra on a whim and it's been such a great vehicle for over two decades.  Sometimes the gut reaction is best.  My gut is telling me little car to buzz around and get into small parking spaces, something I haven't been able to do for ever so long.  If something doesn't fit, I can pay for delivery.  Once I start adding on all the things that I might want a car for someday, it gets bigger and more expensive.  

I've already spent hours researching cars, and I've got my eye on a Honda Civic.  But then I think if I don't need to drive much (if I can use work car for out of town travel), maybe it's worth hanging onto my truck and paying that money.  There's no guarantee that something else won't go out after all this, but there's also no guarantee that that won't happen with a new-to-me car.  Maybe it's worth buying new for peace of mind.  Maybe.  

All right, another busy day.  Pick up tuned up bicycle with new seat to ride around.  Get and haul a truckload of compost for garden beds (did mulch yesterday, will likely need more).  Heaps of shopping. 

handcrafted

When I left New Orleans, I didn't bring the little jars of sourdough and yogurt starter that I usually do.  "I'm in a different income bracket now, the job will be demanding, there is good food where I'm going, I'm going to leave this time of my life behind."  

And I got to my friend's highly cluttered kitchen and was satisfied that I made the right choice to not be baking and fermenting.

But then ... I went to the grocery store.

Holy fuck.  INflation hit the west coast even harder.  Will I pay $7 for a quart of good yogurt and $9 for a loaf of bread not even as good as mine?  Ouch that hurts.

I know that Americans pay far less of their earnings for food than the rest of the world, and I know that I make choices for quality which are more expensive.  I was keeping my food spending in New Orleans at about 5% more than six years ago, which ain't bad.  But a lot of that low spending was producing food myself, through growing and making.  And that takes time and energy, which i wasnt planning on spending so much of here with this new challenging job.

But looks like I'll not be leaving it behind quite yet.  I have starter flakes that I dehydrated last hurricane season as a just-in-case, and I'm going to see if they will come back to life.  If not, I can order yogurt starter from Cultures for Health and sourdough from a friend.  Or start my own.  I was just a bit emotionally attached to the cultures from Sandor Katz, but life goes on.

And I'm putting in a garden.  My friend has four large raised beds I can take over and she will likely help with watering in the dry summer.  There may be more space I can take over if necessary, too.  So I'm already planning my seed order and can probably start planting some things soon.  We may do seed starts but more likely to just buy transplants because there's not good space for a seed light, etc.  If left to my own devices too much longer though I may go for it, for tomatoes and cucumbers and such.  There is a good seasonal farmers market here to pick up a lot of stuff, but I am a huge fan of growing my own greens - better variety and availability.  

When I lived here decades ago, another friend (whom I grew up with and who has since moved) and I were huge fans of U-pick and we would pick and preserve and devour gallons of berries and fruits.  (Where we grew up we spend many summer hours foraging wild berries, so this was a natural step.) While my friend's house is small and cluttered, I may have to go back to that because I cannot turn away from the luscious berries that will be appearing in a few months - they are SO GOOD.  I'll be jamming again.  I just can't help myself, especially when the good jam is $8/jar.  And I will hopefully encourage her to empty her freezer of all the ready-made foods she has in there so we have space for other things.  

I culled some of her pantry.  I was waiting for the dog to come back inside (no dog door here, we'll see how that goes) and was starting to organize and then realized that like half of the food in there expired in 2018.  I'm not even playing with what could we still eat at that point, and some of it was even older, like 2015 lentils (that I probably bought on a visit here).  (I made lentil shepherd's pie last night and while the texture was off with watery potatoes, it was so tasty and frankly better than most things I could buy.  This is a big part of why I cook things myself.  Tastier, healthier, cheaper.)   There were jars of tomato paste that were bulging.  And she was fine with pitching it all, though I'll probably spend some time emptying it into compost and recycling instead of trashing it.  I'll go through her other cupboards as well.  

This is the kind of things I'm notorious for.  I have gone through so many friends' pantries, organizing and culling.  It's just who I am.

I haven't told the new job that I'm here because I really want several weeks OFF.  I've been sleeping more than nine hours a night; much sleep to catch up on.  I still need to fully unpack.  Already took my truck in to the shop for today, and then I'll get my bicycle tuned up as well (and get the necessary accessories).  I'm enjoying walking places.  (Once when another best friend was visiting here with her two now adult sons, they were deciding to go to the store down the street.  "Are we going to walk?" asked the younger.  "Oh god no!  We're not Auntie [Gringa]!"  We were in college together and I always biked and walked and bused, didn't even have a car.  She had a cute VW bug that she drove everywhere. She was already an adult by then and I was in a protracted young adulthood, but I do also like that car-less life and look forward to embracing it.)

I need to also get health insurance for this interim.  WAs contemplating COBRA but I think I'll go with the less expensive option of Marketplace for just emergency.  Need to change all the addresses.  Get driver's license and vehicle registration.  I need to tap in to all the things going on - I've always done lots of community things here that were interesting, from volunteering to culture to science things.  Living with Friend, I have more flexibility to do things like that because dog won't be alone.  I got a haircut appointment though unfortunately it's a long way out, like at the end of March when I'm hoping to be working, so I need to reschedule to a weekend; it was a rather arduous process and I had to almost apply for the stylist to see me - she's not taking new clients, so I had to make a strong pitch.  I may have almost inappropriately used the word "transition" to get in.  She's very interested in working with people who are trans, which I am not.  But I am transitioning to a new phase of my life and I really want to chop off this long hair which I so despise, and I want to be edgy and professional.  I want very short but I don't want to wear makeup or jewelry, like many women do with very short hair as a foil.  I want somebody who gets my vibe and I think it's her, so I had to pitch my case.  Fortunately, it worked and I'm excited.  

Oh, friend's niece said she may come to town on Monday - maybe I could go by bus to visit friends up there this weekend and then hitch a ride down with her. 

Can't believe how quickly I got here, but I'm here now and I want to make the best of it.  

Not missing NEw Orleans at all.  That will come, but right now I'm just glad to be out. 

arrived

 Well, that was two very fast weeks that just passed.  In that time I quit my job, packed up and purged all my belongings, sold my house, and moved 3,000 miles.  

I may be a little (a lot) tired.  There were some bad motels, some harrowing road conditions. 

But we're here now. 

It is cold and damp here on the west coast and will be for a while.  I sped up my travels to get through mountain passes before snow came.  My body is apparently still on CST as I keep waking up at 4 am.  That actually fits with my friend I'm staying with because she gets up at 3:30 am and leaves for work at 4:30.  But I don't know how much longer I'll be on this schedule.  I'm very grateful for two good nights of sleep now; after running on very little, once I got to visit friends a day south we exhaled.  The dog was so happy to see them and just spent the entire time going back and forth between the friends, getting heaps of pets and love.  She was very, very good with them, which is great because it's probably the last time she will see them as they'll be getting another dog soon.  

I think my next big challenge will be my friend's clutter.  I guess I hadn't noticed on past visits HOW MUCH crap she has accumulated, and it's all these tchotchkes she inherited from her mother (whose house was much larger) and whose nieces have gifted her.  They're everywhere.  She mostly cleared out my bedroom, so I'll hopefully somehow magically make everything fit in there.  This is why I got rid of all my tools and such.  So it's 5 am and I'm sitting with coffee in this little living room with 16 large tubs to deal with.  It'll be fine. It always is.  She said that it felt good to declutter and she took heaps of things to Goodwill, so maybe she'll keep the momentum going and get rid of some more to make the space feel less cluttered.  Or maybe she won't.  She has emotional attachment to things, and she's owned this house for like 40 years and accumulated a lot of stuff, and life is different from when I lived here 30 years ago.  I am grateful for having a friend who just takes us in like this.  Not that I need it - I could buy a house tomorrow if I wanted.  But I don't want to.  It's nice to have our little household again. 

I had a little fantasy as I was driving the past several days about buying a lot and building on it - a main house with 2 bed/2 bath in a way that really maximizes use of space, and then two studio accessory dwelling units.  I had such a good experience with my studio apartment at my last house and it seems a nice little piece of solution to a housing crisis.  I've never done new construction and it's intriguing, especially to build carbon neutral instead of having to retrofit for energy efficiency.  The real problem with this plan is of course that I don't really plan to stay here in this town.  The job that I took will require a good bit of travel and hard work, and I'm hoping that in a year or so I'll be able to be promoted to something a bit less scrappy, and that will likely be in a different town.  

I really want to stay within the organization for five years.  When I run the numbers, that is a magic amount of time to save for retirement, so long as I stay frugal.  Which I will.  From living with a friend instead of buying a house, to keeping my 21-year-old pickup instead of buying new until I have to (and relying on bicycle and walking), to cooking at home (I really wanted Thai food but instead for the same amount of money we went to the grocery store and stocked up for a week of cooking).  I lived a very frugal quality life when I lived here before.  I was much younger then but I haven't really changed that much, and my hope is that I'll fall back into some past good habits.  I'm ridiculously excited about the location of my new job - I can bicycle there on routes I have cycled many times, protected routes where I don't feel my life in danger like trying to bicycle in New Orleans.  I brought my bicycle (and helmet and lock) so I just need need to find a mechanic I like to take it into for a tuneup and to get a new seat (and figure out how to stop the rust that has begun) and I'm good to go.  It is also pretty miserable to bicycle right now with cold rain, and I marvel that I was so hardcore about it before.  I think I just need good gear and I'll be fine.  I remember getting an old army surplus poncho that I used to ride in regularly; a friend called me the turtle because it would go over my backpack.  I'll be a bit fancier than that.  And I cannot bicycle every day - I have to travel for work, have meetings that require vehicle, etc.  But I am excited to lean back into that cycling culture.

I'm hoping to take at least a month off before starting the new job, so I'm holding off on telling them that I'm here.  I'm hoping to fall into some other good habits, like with exercise.  Maybe reading again.  And work with the dog.  

So here's to the next stage of life, which looks a lot like a previous stage, but at a much higher income.  

still trucking

 I hit a wall on Monday morning before the house closing, but then I reenergized.  I'm doing ok, moving along with the packing and moving.  I'm getting rid of so much stuff, it's kind of insane.   But I am kind of proud that my garbage can is much less full than most people create each week.  Things are getting moved along.

Things that weren't moving along were these Ikea furniture pieces.  I swear people were making me crazy.  Sooooo many scammers and then flakes.  So today I put it on the local buy nothing group, hoping for the best.  So often people there too are flaky but at least they're local flaky.  But a woman reached out ... and we ended up with her wonderful neighbor helping and the furniture not fitting in her vehicle despite me sending her the dimensions and telling her to check.  She was so embarrassed but they were super nice and so respectful of my property so I said, let's just load everything into my truck, and we took three things and boom it was done.  They were so apologetic and made me take cash, but honestly I was just so glad they were gone and I didn't have to pay the junk hauler.  So now all I anticipate the junk hauler taking is my ratty couch and my broken bedframe, and everything else is getting rehomed.  Easy peasy.  Unless there's something I realize I've forgotten, but no big deal.  And my neighbors down the way will come get everything else pretty much.  Next door neighbor will help me load everything up into my truck.  

I got rid of A LOT and I may regret selling off my tools but it felt like the right thing to do right now.  If I stay with my friend I don't need those things now, and maybe I'll buy a house that doesn't require me to do so many projects.  

Whenever I make a move, I generally have some sort of accident.  I once drove over a fire hydrant and ripped off part of my truck, once I backed into a neighbor's vehicle. I move more slowly than I used to and I give myself more grace, so hopefully that will prevent another accident.  But I did just get a big chunk of my hair ripped out by the paper shredder, so maybe I'm not doing as well as I thought I was.  To be fair, I really hate long hair.  I just also hate haircuts.  But this will be a good impetus to find a hair stylist I like and get a good cut for me - ideally very short. 

artistic butts

 I somehow ended up with a lot of outside chairs.  They're mostly pretty dirty but functional.  

Someone asked for them and I'm so delighted to pass them along to her because she's an African artist who gathers often with young people.  So I am imagining these artistic butts in these seats as they talk story and change the world, and that is the best possible use for them.  

This is why I make the efforts. They could have ended up in a landfill but this is much better.  They will still end up in a landfill someday, but they will have served many purposes before then.  

let's start this day

Seeing close friends yesterday has pushed me into the grief stage of leaving.  I woke up early in a minor panic about all that I have to do, yet at the same time am reluctant to do most of it.  

I have this curated life that I have put together so carefully and lovingly.  My possessions are part of that.  And I know if I get rid of all my canning jars that I can just get more, but ... it also makes me sad. I have some unique ones and others with history and all of them have been used so often for so many different things.  So I'm more grieving those memories. I'm happy to pass them along but also sad, and that's ok.  I have had a very good life here in so many ways. 

People message me asking "what's the story" about leaving.  I'm baffled how they can ask me that.  There's no story.  I do not have a fear of change and going someplace different, but since that's how I've lived all of my adult life, I'm not sure what they're asking and I don't even respond.  People were even surprised that I quit my last job, the one I was only at for two weeks.  I gave nothing up there, wasn't settled in at all.  

Anyway, earnest question: how much cash should I roadtrip with?  I'm a bit nervous about my truck (not least of which because it's currently dissembled) and I got AAA, but I'm taking a route to avoid winter and it's a bit desolate.  I usually use credit cards for everything but the prepper in me thinks of post-hurricane days when everything is down and purchases can only be made with cash.  Do I need to carry significant cash for an emergency hotel room and auto repairs, and how much?  It's kind of weird because I've never really thought too much about this before, just take a couple hundred and have never used it.  Maybe it's because I have more cash at home than usual because of having hurricane funds on hand still and also from some sales of items for the move, and I'm contemplating how much to deposit now and how much to hang onto.  

OK, back to it.  Lots to do.  Maybe I'll start with oven cleaning to get it done.  Good times. 

gut punch

 Friend came to pick me up (truck in the shop, making me nervous) and we went to dinner. The teenager and I had quality moments.

And I felt that gut punch as I was getting out of the car.  I will really miss them.  They are family and I hate never seeing them.  This child whom I've known since before she was born, we are so much alike and understand each other in a way nobody else gets.  I miss her when I don't get to see her.  And her mom and I have been such close friends for so long, she's one of the most comfortable people I have in my life. I will miss not having her counsel on the regular.   She is the least judgmental person I know and she makes me better.  

I will miss them a lot.  I'm glad we've spent time together while I've been here and I hope I get to see them again soon.  

Leaving has hard aspects.  I love so much about this city, about this house.  But I"m also ready to leave.  Like a hermit crab needing a new shell.  I'm ready to grow some more. 

productive passing

 Just got back from delivering a good mattress to a friend who suffers depression and spends a lot of time in bed.  Lots of that today, from giving away all my excess lumber and fencing and garden supplies and books and a workbench and all sorts of things.  One woman, who lives near me and we know each other from our local free group, is coming every day for more things.  I don't even post most of it now, just send her a photo and she says when she'll be by.  Today it was a rug that made her start crying.  "I’m just crying happy tears. These are things that will greatly improve our lives but just aren’t in the budget right now."  I'm going to give her all my food, too.  I especially like her because she's not flaky - if she says she's coming, she's coming. 

And this makes the hassle worthwhile.  I could just pay a junk company to come and take it all away - they say they donate and recycle as possible, but do they?  And who profits?  People to people, that's my jam.   

I am also selling things.  Usually vastly underpriced, which makes people skeptical, but less likely to be flaky and more likely to treat the items with care.  They're putting a balance on my Venmo that I can use for mutual aid or used items where I'm going.  Tonight I told the person to just come by and see the things on my porch and if they like it to Venmo me.  Honor system, and they paid. And then I didn't get carjacked, so it was a good night. 

We're going to try again tomorrow with the car at the mechanic.  Fingers crossed. Then I'll focus more on inside things, and Saturday I'll be back in the garages and doing errands.  Sunday will be yardwork and other things.  That leaves Monday and Tuesday for the actual packing and all the errands.  WEdnesday will be last rites - food for the road, drop off router, load up the truck.  Thursday the junk guys will come to take the couch and whatever else is left, I'll sweep, take out the trash, and go.  

This feels possible, especially since I feel better today than yesterday.  I need to not push myself too hard, just hard enough. 

Wednesday

 Today is Wednesday, I think.  Yep, had to check.

I took my truck to the mechanic as agreed to.  Nobody was there.  They finally rolled up and were not ready for me at all.  He wanted me to bring it back next week.  I said I need it done sooner than that, especially if any parts are needed.  We'll talk at the end of today.  So, that's fun.  It threw off my plans - today I wanted to stay at the house for only things to do at home and then Friday do all my errands which I'm prepping today ... but to reverse that is a glitch since the things aren't ready to be erranded.  So I'm regrouping.  Isn't that always the name of the game?  It's just tougher with having to pace myself more than I ever have before.  If I lift heavy things, I'm out for the count for the day, so I'm not playing until I need to.  

I'll be glad to be rid of all the books.  I'm shipping two boxes, selling a few more boxes, dropped off some today, and have two more boxes to drop off.  Trying to find boxes that I can lift ok has been tough.  I'm just so used to being strong without exertion being debilitating.

Joined AAA.  Arranged junk pickup the day I'm leaving (at least the couch, probably a bed, whatever else is still here).  Need to book all my accommodations.  Need to buy dog food and toothpaste and coffee filters - funny to run out of those three critical things right before I'm leaving.  

A friend of a friend is supposed to come through to pick up some things; I'm hoping he's helpful and will give me a hand with some things that are a lot easier with two people.  I'm also hoping he's not flaky. Flaky people are driving me crazy, especially when they act entitled.  

On the theme of Wednesday, I quite enjoyed that show in Netflix.  Jenna Ortega was great.  *spoiler alert* The scene that really has stuck with me was when Enid wolfed out to save Wednesday. LIke, nothing made her change - not mother disapproval, not social convention, not outsider status - until her friend's life was in danger.  She transformed because of friendship, and then so did Wednesday, when she hugged Enid.  Also, the dance was great.  Meme-ification very deserved.  

OK, back to work.