I do love a good putter day

There are things on my to-do list today, but mostly I'm starting out just puttering around and I like where it's taking me.  Went to put something away and ended up organizing the big pantry in the laundry room to start, though I may do some more culling there (I have a ton of storage in my garage that I can maximize).  

I was up very late last night ruminating about work, not in positive ways. Glad I eventually fell asleep and that the dog did not wake me up at the crack of dawn, so I still got some good sleep.  I've been finding a correlation between my hydration and energy levels, so trying to drink more water and earlier in the day. 

It's breezier and warmer than I expected for today, so I can get the jump on laundry outside.  Sheets already on the line, towels in the washer.  Two more tasks that I want to complete today: roast cabbage for salad, and scrub the laundry room and kitchen floor (again - it gets dirty so fast), and otherwise at my leisure.  Read and quilt, probably.  I started season 2 of The Pitt yesterday and I like that it's not drawing me in as much as the first season, where I truly binge watched because I really didn't want to stop.  Tomorrow I'm planning a strawberry day. 

Dear Friend called this morning to ask if I know somebody she'd gotten a resume from.  I'd worked with her a short time but remember her well and can offer a cautious recommendation with some caveats.  I know DF hates hiring, and I can say this person works hard so maybe it would be a good match.  She lacks social cue awareness, is very rigid thinking, not very bright - I find her annoying, but DF is much more patient with people than I am.  Dear Friend is very much looking forward to her trip over this weekend, seeing it as a mini-vacay.  I will need to be selfish with time and energy on Monday to be prepared for what will be a rough week.   

 **

And now it's Thursday.  These days off go too fast.  And I am just so tickled at the frugal berries today.  I went to get some more Pomona pectin (my favorite because i can use little or even no sweetener in jam), and because I went to the nearest shop, on my way to the farm, where I thought I recalled it being the cheapest, I saved $6 plus gas.  EAch box is like $6.80 instead of the $9.90 I see everywhere else, so I got two.  Then I drove out to the farm and was struggling to decide if I should upick or just get a flat.  And as I said this out loud, the clerk said, "We have some day old flats, do you want those?"  Yes indeed, I"ll take two.  They looked good though tbh too many strawberries picked too early - they needed another day or so to ripen to be at peak, but they're still fine.  I understand picking when they did - once it hits peak ripeness, it molds and rots super fast.  If it really mattered to me, I'd upick, but I didn't want to take the time and energy for that when I had to choose between picking and preserving.  So, I spent $70 on two heavy flats of organic local berries, which will be jammed and mostly frozen.  I'm jumping right into it, got half a flat already washed, first priority to get some sliced and "flash freezing" on cookie sheets.  

 

to do

 The thing about having limited energy, a house and yard, a demanding job, a desire to eat delicious whole foods, and only weekends off is that I feel like I'm always having to do things.  Go go go go go.  

Having a few days off makes no difference really.  Only retirement will do it.  

I was up too late last night and now I'm dragging.  I intend to bicycle to a plant event that will take most of the day.  I think it should only take a couple of hours, but they stretch these things out.  It's also a potluck, so I wracked my brain of what to take and came up with the millet berry dessert I like so much to see if other people like it too.  Have everything on hand, bonus.  It's just milk, eggs (using up duck eggs), berries, vanilla, wee bit of sugar and butter.  In the oven now, and I have to figure out how to transport it on my bike.  I very much do not want to break the glass baking dish.  It was a hand-me-down from a grad school classmate's sister's mother who was downsizing.  My favorite kitchen things are from that giveaway.  She had just filled a container with things she didn't want anymore as she downsized and dumped them with the young woman.  I happened to be coming back to town after years away and needing, well, everything, and they hooked me up with a lot.  The mother is relatively wealthy and buys nice things.  I've moved with these things a few times now and it's worth it.  I don't care that it was free and I have the money to buy more, I like this dish.  So I'm thinking of cooling it and cutting it to go into the large plastic to-go containers Dear Friend brought me a few visits ago.  Stack containers in a cloth bag, put it in the milk crate bike basket, and I'm golden. 

Sometimes I like expensive things that I've bought myself, such as my house.  But mostly, I find the most pleasure in repurposing and frugality.  Which is a reminder that I don't need to work until I have a million in savings.  And the folks I'm meeting up with are also mostly frugal.  I remember reading a news article about one of them, and how she lives on $20K for her family of four, living in a tiny house and growing their own food (including animals).  

And who cares if they do judge?  Not me. 

Also, the event is at a community I want to learn more about, didn't even know existed, and did I mention I can bike there, only a couple of miles away?  Yes, please.  

I am still open to staying here, or coming back here, if I could find compelling reasons to.  Biking and gardening and volunteering isn't enough, they're just lagniappe.  

Anyway, the dog will be grateful for a break from me today.  She's sleepy and watchful.  I think her deepest sleep is when I'm not around.  

There was an ant superhighway across my kitchen threshold last night, it was crazy.  They stayed off the countertops so I just watched.  So. Many.  Impossible to tell what they had found.  It may have been an old trap with ant poison; I did lay two more down when I saw them.  And this morning, they are completely gone.  They're efficient buggers for sure; I don't mind them coming in to clean anything dropped beside stove, etc. - I just don't want them on my food prep space area.  

Somebody is blaring music at 8:30 am on a holiday.  That's not cool.  (Says the woman whose dog was screaming at 7:30 am)

I think that I'm going to give up on favas.  I'll keep planting them as a cover crop and for greens, but I do not care for the beans.  They just have a weird taste to me, like almost bitter.  I'll have to wait to be with people who know how to prepare them to try again.  But it's nice to let myself off the hook and not have to keep trying.  They're a lot of work to prepare, with the podding and such.  

Just waiting for the millet to finish baking, then out for my garden rounds.  Hoping for the promised rain today to deliver.  Also hoping I don't get caught in it while biking, but I won't melt if I do.  Rain is good.  

Then maybe I'll come home and so more indoor cleaning, the laundry room deep cleaning, the garage.  

***

Can confirm: the millet berry dish is banging, it's not just me that thinks so.  People told me so, and as we started cleaning up one of the women who's a leader in the community whispered, "This was my favorite thing.  Can I just ... finish it?"  She grabbed a spoon and curled up on the couch to enjoy it.  Usually I make it with blueberries and raspberries, but this time it was blueberries and sour cherries and that was very nice.  I'll just use up whatever is in my freezer.  

We met in a straw bale house, and I'm pretty obsessed with them now.  I've always liked the idea of them, but having now spent house inside of one, I'm very impressed.  The quality of the air and temperature is outstanding.   

**

And now it's Tuesday.  I plan to go out this morning and weed the front yard.  It's not too onerous really, the mulch does a great job keeping weeds down.  Just needs to get done.  I also need to cut back tree branches more, but I already have a big pile to slowly put into the composting bin, so that can wait until I have space again, probably.  

Some other cleaning would be good, such as garage and laundry room.  Need to get an oil change, perhaps today, to get it done, though I'm reluctant to leave the house, tbh.  I want to read and quilt, maybe start season 2 of of The Pitt or latest season of Hacks.  Once I watch those two shows I can stop my HBO subscription and roll over to Hulu or something else for a beat.   

I'll start bread today to bake tomorrow.  I've enjoyed throwing hemp hearts in, it lightens up the bread.  I often just toss random things in, especially oats or flax seeds, but the hemp hearts was really nice.  When freshly baked it tastes a bit fishy, but that goes away.  I was buying large bags of locally ground white whole wheat flour, but then found my favorite market sells the flour in bulk for not that much more than a large bag price.  25 pounds lasts me quite awhile, so getting it in bulk at least in theory is fresher, plus I don't have to make storage space for it (in a bucket, in a closet).  

There are SO many berry blossoms, I'm really excited by the promise of sweet fruit.  

All right, coffee is done, and I ate a "protein biscuit" (red lentil mush with vegetables and feta, baked), so time to roll on outside and do the damn chore.  It's chilly\ and overcast, my favorite.   

beans are sprouting

Soil is finally warm enough and I'm seeing beans, squash, cucumbers, starting to sprout.  At least the most assertive of them.  The others will come.  Or not. 

I know this because I was out there watering this evening, before tomorrow's heat (and a busy day; I have to leave the house early).  

The peas are pretty scraggly and unhappy, but I have hopes for other things.  They're in beds near the fence that the dog runs through.  I could put more work into them but ... oh well.  

Something I'm inordinately proud of: in the past 14 months, I've spent $17 on parking for work.  We have to pay about $65/month for parking in the parking structure for the office, and I gave that up.  If I hadn't given it up, I would have spent $910 in this time period.  So, I have saved $893 AND been pushed to bicycle regularly.  That is winning all around.  There will likely always be some spending on parking - smoky days when not safe to breathe outside, bitter cold rainy wind I just don't want to, needing to go straight to a driving errand after work, etc.  But just over $1/month vs. $65/month is a significant difference.  And this is how I challenge my spending to be frugal.  I went to the store yesterday that has discount on bulk goods one day per week and stocked up - local whole wheat flour, garbanzos, almonds, peanuts, onion.  The cashier was like, wow, this whole bag for only $24, good deal, which kind of struck me.  I could get cheaper food if it weren't locally sourced and organic, but I'm still thoughtful about it.  

I'm scheming when I'll go out to the farm to get organic strawberries as it sounds like they're now in full swing.  It's like a 20 minute drive so I can go out on lunch break, if I ever get a lunch break.  On the one hand, I just want to get three flats at berries at one time to power through, mostly to save the gas money, but I don't have time to do that after a long day at work.  But maybe I could get one flat today and process it after work, then two more this weekend.  I might even want to just upick this weekend, save a little money and reduce the amount of pint containers and flats I take home (I still have so many - I save and repurpose them).  I do want to mostly finish up with my strawberries because Dear Friend plans to come down the following weekend.  We'll go out to get more berries for sure but then we can focus on hers.  This weekend I might go out to another farm, a small family farm trying to get going, just a little further in the other direction.  I'm thinking three flats for the year should be sufficient but I might end up with four because these local fresh strawberries are so fucking good, and good for me.  

My raspberry and blackberry bushes are showing heavy fruit.  It's just one row so I don't know how much I'll actually get - it should be good for grazing, probably not enough to put up, so I'll probably get some of those in season, too.   

I also want to do another sourdough bake while I"m off next week, before summer hits when I don't feel like baking, but I'm running out of days.  With the recipe I really like, I need two days - start around 1 pm, stretch & folds at night, and baking the next morning.  So like on Monday I'm planning to be somewhere 10-3, so I can't bake or start that day, plus I want to keep Tuesday-Thursday open in case I can go camping (weather and other circumstances allowing).  

I'm only planning to take off three days but I'm acting like it's a huge amount of time and I'm making big plans.  I need to knock that off and have reasonable expectations for myself.   

**

And now it's Friday night and i'm rolling into my six day vacation like a boss.  I'm tired, just chopped down a lot of tree that hangs low over the driveway and weedwhacked.  Nothing like being physically exhausted.  Love it. 

**

Just ordered a book for the first time in a looong time.  It's Blue Highways by William Least Heat-Moon, which I thought I'd read before but I haven't.  I did read Travels with Charley but maybe I'll reread it, too.  I checked out Blue HIghways from the library, and it's a dense book, one I want to take time with, probably on a travel myself.  Plus, the library book feels musty and old, and the typeface is quite small.  I'll spend $8 on a used copy, with shipping, as one of the few books I want to hang onto for awhile.  Other books I hold onto because I return to them include West with the NIght by Beryl Markham, The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Kundera (though I'm not currently seeing it on my shelf, maybe I don't carry it), and Walking my Dog, Jane, which was given to me by a friend who is in it.   

I am so unbelievably relieved that I"m able to read again, not so averse to it.  

And now it's Saturday morning.  We got up early and I'm raring to go.  I want to be at the berry patch right when it opens at 9, ready to roll.  I'm pulling out jars and lids, ready to jam.  Maybe two more batches of jam and freeze all the rest?   

**

Scale says another gain, 0.4 pounds.  Sigh.  

 

a library conversation

 While in the office today, I walked over to the library to deal with my fine.  I was told that the book I returned recently was unusable because of damage, so I asked to look at it. 

To be fair, when I put it in the book return, there was a little water on it.  Condensation from the water bottle, like.  I sort of pushed it off and dropped it on the belt, thinking it would just totally dry out while in process.  Not like soaked or anything, and it was a day late so I wanted to return it instead of leave it to dry in the car all day and return it even later.

I was sent a bill for $15.99, and told I could inspect the damage.  And instead of letting it just dry out with the little water, they'd put it straight into a plastic bag, so OF COURSE now there was water damage and mildew.  I said, look, there's a new version of this book, and I'm happy to pay $15.99 toward the purchase of that, now that I see it's not usable.  But the person was really nice and said she'd reverse the charges, that this book had had a good long life already and it can just be retired.  So, that was very nice of her.

And then I went and spent $15 on pad thai for lunch, after I asked her several times if she was sure.  That should be my treat of the week.  Not healthy food, but a nice treat, and I really like the people who own the foodtruck.  

And then I got a haircut, and I'm fine with paying $45 including 25% tip.  I just was feeling like $100 was a lot, and it was taking so long.  This was better, 30 minutes and less expensive.  I tried the beauty school and the first time was ok but the second wasn't good.  It also felt unsanitary.  But this place could be fine, and I got in soon, rather than waiting three months.  I don't need fancy, just ok.  I've had so few good haircuts in my life, I feel.  Even those who've done great don't replicate.  Anyway, now I need a shower to get all the hair off.  

and then I may pick more favas and ferment them.  I have to be in the office again all day tomorrow, and also the next day, so there won't be any good early morning or lunchtime garden chore time.   

What else?  Some more quilting.  Oh, got two new books from the library - Blue Highways and the 2nd in a series by Tana French, the 1st I liked quite a lot earlier this year.  I'm thinking about getting a road atlas so I can start going up old logging roads again like I used to.  It's more dangerous now than it used to be, I think, though maybe not.  It'd be cool to find berry picking spots; even better if no one else is around and I could take the dog.  Man, that would be amazing.  She would love that so much. 

So far so good with the sleep and hydration plan.  I need to drink more water today, didn't drink much at the office.  We dont' have a water cooler and the tap water here gives me heartburn, and I finished my water bottle too quickly.  The one bad thing is that other night I had to get up in the middle of the night to pee.  That NEVER happens to me.  So, I want to stop before that point.  

It's interesting, are my taste buds already changing?  I seem to be preferring tap water over the sparkling water I've been obsessed with since first drinking it in 1989 in Germany.  I had cheese yesterday after not having it for awhile, and it didn't excite me.  I'm preferring milk to half and half in coffee recently.  These are all healthy changes, frugal changes.  I'm not going to push myself, but if they happen naturally, sounds good.  

Last night I couldn't fall asleep right away, which was frustrating.  I think that I have unreasonable expectations about that, because I have read that falling asleep right away means you're too tired, it's healthier to take awhile.  But tonight I think I'll fall right asleep; I'm tired.  I biked and walked, then came home and harvested and processed favas.  Got two jars of them fermenting, it was a lot of shelling.  I was too tired to even put shells in compost, I'll do it tomorrow.  That job took over an hour and a half, and I get that people do that for a living all the time for many more hours, that's after my nine hours of office work.  I cannot wait to be able to build my time around open days, rather than trying to steal minutes here and there as I sacrifice for the job.  

So unfortunately the weight loss has not been evenly distributed.  By far the most seems to coming off my chest.  My bras no longer fit, like they're two sizes too big.  I can still wear all my other clothes and some pants are still tight, but bras are fucking expensive and this is annoying.  Oh well.   

sending messages

 Today on Facebook, a friend in the Galapagos Islands asked "Hey cuando vienes a visitarme"?  

How did she know that I was thinking of spending time with her there?  We met over 20 years ago there, she was our tour guide.  We've stayed good friends and have visited each other a bit, including she and her wife staying with me in New Orleans for a couple of weeks.  Her wife comes from a VERY wealthy family and I was living in the house I'd bought for $42,000 in a rough part of town, but they are always gracious and we have a good time no matter where we are.  I think they've split up now though seem to still be friends.  We'll reconnect again.  Island life would be an amazing reset for my nervous system and she is an aggressive enforcer.  She would get me into very good shape and also force me to relax to island time.  She also has family in the farms in the surrounding areas.  I also plan to go spend time with her wife in California, though we're more chill together.   

So yeah, not sure what comes first on my world tour ... probably depends on the time of the year.  To Australia to see my dear friends who are like nieces (and who have visited me here multiple times but I've never been there)?  Ecuador to see this old dear friend?  Scandinavia to pick wild berries and sauna?  Croatia to eat my body weight in chard?  To Portugal to learn natural building techniques hands-on?  All over the United States to visit friends and experience places like the Badlands, maybe up into Canada to places I really like such as Quebec and Whitehorse (very different, yes).  Transylvania, where friends who often work internationally have a house friends can stay at?  France where a friend I used to visit often in Paris now lives more rural, and we always have a good time?  Japan, for authentic okonomiyaki (I make my own version but want to try it for real)?  

Today at work I did my special move to pretty great success which I'll never be lauded for, but I know.  I do this little bit of folksy welcome mixed with some understated intimidation.  Why yes, i did learn this in the South, and I have no qualms about playing it when needed.  People here are so dull, they have no idea what is hitting them.  Sometimes they know that something is, and there's this undercurrent of dislike for me but not really an understanding of why.  I can be a bit ... shrewd.  i did learn at the feet of a Louisiana political dynasty.  I also pulled another move that I know a higher up recognized - she and I are in a mostly silent understanding of things we won't put in writing or even state formally, but I'll get us there.  Sometimes my means are unorthodox, but I got us there today after she had tried the formal process unsuccessfully.  My boss has seemed to back off somewhat but she has been a bit more argumentative and the concern I have is that she's often wrong, just factually incorrect.  She didn't used to be.  I think perimenopause may be hitting her hard.  I know that brain fog.  I am gracious when I need to correct her, but mostly it's not my problem.  Two different colleagues called me today to ask me to fact check and vibe check, and I provide favors of my knowledge because they provide favors in return - often I ask them to do things so I don't have to, so I get to be the puppet master behind the scenes.  It is very House of Cards in some ways; I'm on the one hand quite blind to social cues, but on the other hand and sometimes simultaneously I pull sophisticated moves, like deliberately making mistakes to disarm people who then underestimate and feel generous towards me when they forgive the error.  

Finally I'm getting a haircut tomorrow, we'll see how it goes.  My hair is so shaggy and the last haircut quite bad.   

Did a bit more quilting - I think that's probably where my thumb pain originates from, so even more reason to finish the goddamn thing.  I'm on the edges now which is the sucky place to be, but I'll make progress as I can.  I put the TV on while doing it; I finished tonight DTF St. Louis, which is fucking depressing.  On HBO Max the shows I still want to watch are: finish Perry Mason, season 2 of The Pitt, and finish Hacks.  I think that's it?  Maybe some movies - I want to finish Sinners.  And then I can stop this streaming service and go on to another, such as Hulu for the latest The Bear.  

And I just put yogurt into the cooler to yog overnight.  That's three home chores done today on top of a demanding workday, so cheers to me.  Is this what more sleep and water will get me?  I'll take it.  Sometimes I go weeks without having any energy for things like making phone calls for personal matters. I also watered the seedlings; some beans are coming up in the sunniest bed.  But even at my lowest, I can usually muster enough energy to water food.  

 I want to start a new book tonight to read to sleep but I need to start it soon.  OK, make some tea, read a bit, go to bed.  This is healthy adulting.  

berries

 I'm reading Berries by Roger Yepsen, and I'm enjoying it more than I expected.  He's knowledgeable the recipes look good.  Fun to think about berries in different ways. 

And it's inspiring, as we enter strawberry season, and then raspberry and blueberry season.  Still trying to work my way through the blueberries in my freezer - they are not my favorite because I much prefer wild blueberries and huckleberries.  But they're healthy and tasty so I should stop being a snob.  My final bag of raspberries is currently heating up and I'll pour it over the blueberry millet cake i just baked.  It is so good.  I cook the millet with milk, then add eggs (duck eggs today), put into pan, blueberries on top, with a little coconut flour and some chopped almonds.  SO. GOOD.  I quadruple the amount of berries from the recipe, so saucing some helps, as otherwise all those frozen berries make baking tough.  

When i retire, there are Workaways posted that include berry picking in places like Finland.  (Or Sweden, I presume - nearly the only thing I know how to say in Swedish is "wild strawberries" from the title of the Ingmar Bergman film.)  I love wild berries even more than cultivated, which I do love quite a lot.  Plus I would really like to learn sauna culture.  

And when I retire, it can just be on a one or two year plan.  I'll reassess regularly if I need to go back to work or if I'm solid enough financially - that would be a benefit of retiring before 60.  Once I get much older, it may well get harder to get a job.  Once I sell my house after the dog dies, I can go almost anywhere.  

All right, it's Monday morning.  I need to be very focused at work, to get a lot done.  PLan to be done with things early on Friday, and maybe I'll actually get to take off days next week.  

If I get to take days off, I may go out hiking, maybe even camping at the place i like.  Go u-pick strawberries, freeze and jam them for the year.  If it's warm, start the exterior house cleaning I so need to do, maybe start on the screens (which makes me nervous because I always break screens when I try to clean them).  Buy shoes (I tried to buy at REI during their sale, and their salespeople were very unavailable so screw it).  Work on maybe transferring my phone plan to something a bit cheaper (I pay $33 currently). Maybe start the project of removing old paint from window frames and recaulking the windows.  And of course read and quilt.

So yeah, I want my time off.  So, it's time to focus on work.  

chard

 One of the benefits of buying local is that the produce lasts longer since it was just picked.  AT least the chard in my refrigerator for the last two weeks needs to believe that with me.  I've been wanting to make it with potatoes and the last of my garlic since I got it, and today should finally be the day.  It's a Croatian dish called blitva, and someday I hope to go to Croatia to eat an authentic ton of it.  There's even a chard festival in a little town there that I'd like to go to.  Chard ice cream?  But of course!  I don't grow chard myself because of the fucking leaf miners, but I sure do like to eat it.  

Also just picked up a purple cabbage that will become one of my favorite salads with garbanzos and peanuts and cilantro and green onions.  I like it in a pita for breakfast.  And I think this weekend will be my final winter squash lentil feta dish until next year.  

Do I want to go out the road and get a flat of organic strawberries today to process (freeze, maybe make jam)?  I'm sure itching to, even though I know they'll be sweeter in a couple of weeks.  Want to strike while the iron is hot and I have the energy.  Plus I can get more produce out at the farmstand, which is less stressful than the chaotic farmers market with so many people and long lines.  

This was a rough week at work.  I was supposed to take off Thursday/Friday, but I couldn't because of urgent issues and because I'd felt crappy earlier in the week and wasn't able to handle some things.  I thought I'd just come in and work Thursday morning to deal with those urgent things, but then they blew up.  It's for the best that they did, but it sure pissed off a manager.  I'm not even trying to piss her off but she sure dislikes me no matter what I do.  I think that her boss is on my side - I can't totally tell.  It's too much drama and I just want to do my job.  Three more years ... 

Things in my neighborhood are aggravating - lots more noise and trash lately, people camping on the street to the side of my house where my bedroom is.  That plus the not very welcoming/helpful neighborhood reminds me that this isn't my forever place.  I woke up early the other morning because somebody was calling my work phone from back east; I always have ringer off but it was charging on a wooden bookshelf that reverberated.  I didn't know which phone it was and my mind went to a dark place - that it was Friend's work and something had happened and I'm her emergency contact (her workday starts at 5 am).   fortunately it wasn't, but my mind ran the scenarios, and I have no real social net without her.  There are some people I call friends, and there are people I enjoy through work, but our social fabrics are not interwoven in a way that sustains.  And sure, I'll say it's my fault at least in part because I am so withdrawn because my job is so stressful, but also they have busy lives with young children.  And we just don't jibe.  And it's ok.  But this just doesn't feel like a forever place.  Too disconnected. 

Anyway.

The favas are coming.  I want to pick them while little so I don't have to shell AND peel them.  I think I'll just continue to mostly use them as an added vegetable to other things, and I can freeze them to continue to do so.  Quite proud that my freezer's contents are dwindling.  A lot of dried fruit in jars in there.  I just don't eat a lot of dried fruit.  

The dog's limp seems better though she's still walking a little funny.  She tells me she's fine.  She's lying.  I do so hope that she goes out strong as she will hate being infirm.  She must be nearing 12 now as I've had her almost 11 years.  God she was such an asshole then.  She's still an asshole but so sweet to me.  She's back to putting me to bed - walking me to the bedroom at bedtime, lying in bed until I'm asleep.  It's just sweet.  And there is nothing she loves more than to hang out in the backyard with me.  I mean, she loves going and walks, but those are also stressful to her.  Nothing stressful about backyard time, even though she's trying to fight the crows overhead (who now drop feathers on her!) and dogs through the fence. She's my fiercest protector.  

Two really simple things I want to focus on for my health as I think they have an outsized impact: sleep and water.  Sleep more, drink more water.  And I did fork out the $2,100 for a concierge doctor so we'll see what he sees about improving my health.  I'll give it one year and then see if it's worth it.  I am not committing to this expense forever, just as a triage.  

OK, just checked the freezer and there are more strawberries in there than I'd realized.  No strawberry emergency today, I can wait a couple of weeks.  I'm trying to take a few days off around Memorial Day so I should have time then.  And hopefully energy.  Maybe I'll use some of those frozen strawberries to make a batch of jam today, so less jamming to do later.  I'm actually on my last jar of strawberry jam now, and it has definitely been my favorite.  Maybe I'll make it with honey; I just don't use much honey and have a jar from a couple of years ago that would be good to finish. The ants were liking it so it's sitting in a bowl of water right now.  The ants have been so obnoxious but I'm not seeing any in my kitchen now.  There were around my stove, and I'm sure there's bits of things there, so great, clean it up.  Less excited about them swarming a closed jar of honey or jam, or every single crumb I leave behind.  Fuckers need to move on.  I will crush hundreds a day without shame and then l leave the corpses until a big cleanup.  The ants here are crazy, there are billions.  And of course I don't want to eliminate them entirely and I'm not crazy about poison, but I don't want them on my kitchen or bathroom counters.  They can be elsewhere.  The other day I noticed there was a little spider not much larger than an ant that seemed to be trying to prey on them.  Ant and spider battle needs to not be on my kitchen counter, as entertaining as it is.  

It's so nice to not be super busy and to just piddle around.  I filled soil around the berry bush I planted in a rotten sweet gum; the level had significantly decreased, and I kept meaning to do it, and now I have.  I cut up some of the long limbs from the tree removal.  Pulled some wild plum starts.  That kind of thing, just puttering while the dog runs around me.  Now I need to lock her in the house so I can go do some work in the front yard with the gate open so I can get tools etc. as needed.  She will cry in anguish and I will feel bad, but so goes life.  

Just realized I have a dozen jars of applesauce to use up.  I often use it in baking but apparently I haven't been baking as much as I expected to.  They were tucked on a top shelf so I thought there were just a couple, but nope.  I'd been treating myself once a week; yesterday was a cookie from a bakery.  Time to get back to making my own desserts and use up that applesauce.  Though, I am seeing not a lot of apples on my tree - there were some flowers, but I'm not finding fruit.  It does seem an every other year kind of tree (unlike my pear, which is banger every year; the plum had a bad year last year because of aphids but hopefully it comes back this year).  So maybe I have a year and a half to use all that applesauce.  I'll keep a close eye on my apple tree because once the fruit starts appearing, I want to sock up some of it to keep away the worms.  I love the tree, so even if it never produces again, I'm keeping it for sure.  It's got a wonderful shape and vibe.  Oh, and I also am not happy about all the aphid farming that the ants do - they took over like eight plum trees last year.  And yeah, I need to trim back the plum trees this winter, along with the apple and pear.  It's time for me to start doing my own pruning.  I want to totally cut the limbs of the apple that go over into the neighbor's yard because they don't pick them up or let their chickens run free, so the worm problem exacerbates.  I have very good yard hygiene and they have very bad.  Also, the plums go over the fence into another neighbor's yard and I dont' think they eat them, which is unfortunate because they're very tasty.  They may appreciate us cutting those back also, or maybe we can do it together.  

Tasks for January.  

 It's chilly outside and maybe it will rain but it can't seem to decide.  So do I water?  That makes me unable to decide.  

I think I've eliminated all my errands - not going to the farmers market because I'm set for now with vegetables to be used up and i can go mid-week from my office, not going to the farmstand because I already have plenty of strawberries and I can wait until they're sweeter mid-season, not going to return cans because the bins I use to store them aren't totally full yet, not going to the seed store out the way because once I calculated gas there was no savings to hitting up their sale.  Yay for staying home and puttering about.  The garage could use a good cleaning.  I might go out to get some free garden fencing from the Buy Nothing group if that person ever responds to me.  

Looks like it's drizzling a bit so maybe I'll do the front yard work tomorrow instead of today.  

Something I've recently learned is that I can live without half and half - actually I don't know that I like it better than just warmed up 2% milk in my coffee (which I usually have on hand for making yogurt).  So, yay, that's new and positive.  To not buy half & half is to save money and also saturated fat calories.  Maybe someday I'll go dairy free, but that day is not today.    

OK, made the cabbage garbanzo salad, and see that I have leftover cilantro (to go into barley lentil soup) and green onions (to put into tuna/brown rice/pea dish).  

**

Sunday, weigh-in day: down 0.2, which is at least not a gain, but still higher than I'd like it to be.  One thing I noticed yesterday is that I wasn't super hungry at the end of the day, which is always nice.  Maybe my thyroid is stabilizing for a beat.  I really like when I'm not ravenously hungry.  

Looks like it rained last night, I see moisture on the ground.  I didnt' really hear it so not sure how much - I should get a rain gauge.  But looks like maybe I don't need to water today.  

I keep trying to figure out what comes next after I quit this job, and a lot depends on things like when my dog dies and how my health is.  But if i quit in two years from now, I could see myself enjoying some extended time of roadtripping, both in the US and abroad.  National parks and Workaways and friends (not in that order of importance).  Visiting cohousing opportunities, communities where I may want to live, ecology courses, scratching every travel itch while I'm relatively young and hopefully healthy.  

I toy with other ideas like going back to school, starting another job, etc., but honestly I just don't want any kind of career anymore after this.  I am so burned out on all that.  SO burned out.  I want to just go where the wind blows me, do what I want.   I can use Friend's address as home base, as I have before.  Get rid of everything not essential, oh I do love a good purge.  I have done this so many times, I just automatically start going through a list in my head of how to get rid of almost everything I own and what I need to do.  There are a number of things I'd need to do before selling the house, but no need to do them right now.  The big things for me are to finish quilt and read hardcover books that are on my shelf (because they're heavy to move and most I have no interest in keeping once read).  And I'd like to lose another 30 pounds.  But we'll see.  

Anyway, it's at least a couple of years away.  For now, I need to survive.  

Walked the dog, puttering around some more.  Will make the lentil barley soup that I like so much.  Do a bit of cleaning up outside, putting some things away, cleaning out plant pots, picking favas.  

Not looking forward to another workweek but I'll survive.  

adrenaline

 I had a rough morning in meetings and got home after noon.  Opened the gate to bring in the green bin, came inside, let the dog out (she has a dog door when I'm home), started my next slew of meetings on-line.

Three hours later I stepped outside to clear my head, and THE GATE WAS WIDE OPEN.  I'd forgotten to close it.  I'm so braindead from too little sleep.  

The dog ran right through it, and I panicked.  

If you're new here, my dog is aggressive.  This is the only place we've lived where she doesn't star in police reports, and i VERY much want to keep it that way. 

She took off down the street, stopping to pee at a street sign.  As one does.  LOOK, LOOK AT ME!  I'M RUNNING AWAY! I shouted and took off.  OF course she can't be left out, so she took off after me.  and I promised her all the treats in the world if she would follow me in the yard, AND SHE DID. 

And she knew my game.  She was onto me.  But she still played.   

But coming down from that adrenaline is a trip for me.  Yikes.   

POV

 This morning I skipped the Sunday walk because the dog is limping very badly (she was trying to convince me she's fine but she's on mandatory rest).  I got out early to start planting; I had toyed with waiting a bit longer until warmer, but I just wanted to get done.  

Four rows of shelling beans including black and some pinto types.  Bookended and in some other spots with seven types of cucumbers.  Most of beans and cucumbers are for trials for local seed initiative, but I did plant the cucumbers that did so well for me last year as well even though they're a hybrid.  Maybe I'll find an heirloom that will work as well, but we'll see.  Then I tucked green beans in between potatoes and brassicas.  Two types of zucchini in a few spots, and then three types of winter squash tucked in around other things.  Put the wee basil plants into the ground because I'm  ready to be done with that phase of things.  

As I was planting I was wondering when my favas will start producing beans already, it's just flowers, but as I bent down to move the hose, I saw that there actually are pods already.  So, just picked and shelled some of those, and I'll start thinking about prepping them.  Favas still aren't intuitive for me, but I'll get there.  Maybe I'll toss them into a pan of cabbage and pancetta I was thinking about making soon.   

+0.6

 And now I've gained another half pound.  While I ate "clean" most of the week (focus on vegetables & legumes), I did splurge with a small Korean beef burrito (so small that after eating I was still hungry) and brownie on Friday when I'd biked to the office and didn't have a lunch to take, and now I'm at the highest weight since September.  

It's disheartening.  The reason I want to lose another 30 pounds is because it would be less pressure on my feet and I could potentially walk more without pain.  But it is absolutely not reasonable to expect that I can starve myself and never have anything outside the rules (no ultraprocessed foods, very little sugar, etc.) - especially because when I do eat within the rules I'm still gaining.  The easy calorie reductions aren't working - I've given up half & half in my coffee, consume little butter, reducing oils (roast, not fry) and cheese consumption (less than a serving per day), limiting nuts, etc. I'm not trying to become thin, I just want to stop gaining weight and make some more slow progress downward.  

And I can feel that my thyroid is doing its cycling and sections are dying off which significantly reduces my metabolism which is probably the explanation, but it's still just frustrating.  

+0.4

 Gained another 4/10 pound this week according to the scale.  This is three months of gains.  I'm sticking to "the program" with exceptions.  The program being no ultraprocessed foods, focus on vegetables, whole grains, legumes, no to little sugar, Mediterranean type diet.  The exceptions being a meal out here and there (average one a week) and a "normal" dessert (average once a week, which would be a treat from a bakery). (I do also eat my homemade desserts, but those are generally focused on berries or milk as the sweetener, or other whole fruits (such as reconstituting dried plums to be the sweetener, or dates.)  I do also eat very dark chocolate regularly but one bar, which is a total of 12 grams of sugar, usually lasts several days, up to a week.  I just nibble a square here and there. 

I haven't been this heavy for six months - six months of being very careful what I eat - so this is discouraging for sure.  Scale says I've gained five pounds since three months ago.  I even just want to maintain.  Sigh.  

Dog walk done, garden watered.  Still want to go out to the front yard for an hour to hack up the tree limbs to small pieces and stack out of the street and to weed and water if necessary.  But I'm taking a wee break to hydrate and eat breakfast (a red lentil "biscuit").  This heat wave is not expected to last more than a day so I'm not super worried about the native plants.  

Friend from Grad School just called to offer perennial leeks she's digging up, which I think I'll put near the rhubarb in my yard.  She offered to drop them off but I think I'll go over there and then do another grocery errand.  then come home and finish the in-house chores.  

I started watching How to GEt to Heaven from Belfast on Netflix (on a friend's account, so I may not get to finish it before I'm blocked out again), and I definitely want to keep watching to finish it.  The mystery is interesting.  Ireland is the mother country for me, though so far back that I don't qualify for citizenship unfortunately.  I sure would like another citizenship, especially now. 

We had a rough moment on our walk.  The dog stuck her head into bushes, as she does, and out came running a little duckling.  Right behind was a mother duck who faked a broken wing to get our attention.  It worked of course, but then she wouldn't leave us alone.  We couldn't go any direction away because she'd jump in front of us.  And she was so close and coming closer, easily within range of a lunging dog.  And this dog lunges.  A lot.  And kills.  It was quite stressful as I grabbed the dog and kept trying to run in any direction, really not wanting her to orphan that scared duckling.  It couldn't have lasted more than maybe four minutes but it felt interminable before we could get away, and then the mother's wing was immediately fine, no more limping, and it went screaming to find its baby.  It was a fucking nature video starring the wolf and the person on its leash.  Sigh.  

OK, gotta get out right now or I won't get out at all.   

sunny Sunday

Drinking coffee and gearing up to walk the dog.  It's already bright and sunny but not hot yet, so I'm hopeful to get the outside things done before it is hot.  Mid 80s is forecast and it seems to always get warmer at my microclimate.  My body prefers the 60s, though it's really the UV that's at issue so I'll keep an eye on that.  Oh, it's supposed to get up by 10 am, I best not dilly dally this morning.  

I'm still stiff and sore, and that's ok.  I took down a whole fucking tree by myself, I get to hurt a little.  It should wear off today or tomorrow.   

Yesterday I was emailing and texting friends - my dear young friend will be going to a prestigious university, and I have other dear friends who used to be young but now are successful adults who live nearby, and so we were touching base and connecting.  They all should have interacted at some point (the mother of the student) but it was 20 years ago.  I'm struggling to think of the perfect graduation gift and was thinking perhaps of a gift card at a nice restaurant not far from campus so asking for recommendations, and of course they offered to be a point of contact if the student needs anything while she's there.  

Things have just changed so much in the 40 years since I graduated and went to college, and I've not ever been in that town where they are but want to visit.  Just, fundamentally things are so different, with technology and thoughts on nutrition and taste and just everything.  I feel like a dinosaur sometimes.  And I don't want to just stop there, I want to learn and listen, but also some of it I'm very averse to, like AI.  And some of it was just bad, like the pandemic.  Our brains are changed because of it, how we interact, all of it.  

Anyway, it got me thinking back to 1987.  I was spending my first summer after college at Yellowstone National Park, working for the concessioner that runs lodging and restaurants.  Why?  Because I saw a flyer somewhere and thought it would be interesting.  I packed up a heavy trunk full of books and got on a Greyhound that took days.  All of that seems so crazy now, but I just did it.  I don't remember other details; I didn't intend to return to that college because that experience was wholly awful.  Yellowstone was a good experience and I met really interesting people and made good friends including one I'm still in regular contact with.  I learned a ton about things like geysers and marmots and astral projection and the Book of Mormon and Tom Robbins and the Violent Femmes and how to not mix my liquor.  It was really a good experience for me in many ways.  Especially after such a horrible first year of college where people were very small-minded, to meet so many different kinds of people of all ages and backgrounds.  And I was adorable then so had a lot of positive but appropriate attention.  We lived in dorms together and worked together and recreated together and ate together.  There were pay phones in inconvenient locations when necessary, but this was so long before social media and cell phones.  I started as a maid for the cabins and then worked at the hotel front desk, and sometimes I'd take extra shifts doing things like dishwashing (which I quite enjoyed).  I have zero regrets for that time there.  

But what made me think about it was when parents of a classmate took me to dinner.  It's wild to think how people actually connected in days before cell phones.  I don't even recall my parents knowing them, though it was a small town and my dad was gregarious, so perhaps it came up in a grocery store conversation that I was at Yellowstone and that they were traveling there.  I think they left a note at the hotel where I worked and we connected, and they took me to the fanciest restaurant for dinner.  I had not been to many fancy restaurants in my life at that point, I could probably count on one hand how many times.  I remember we had a lovely time, they were so warm and cool people.  I think maybe I knew who they were, maybe she was a nurse, but we'd never been in social situations interacting directly.  Their son was a classmate all through school though I don't recall us ever being friends.  I thought of this yesterday when I was thinking how it would be lovely to visit my young friend at college next year and take her to a really nice dinner, remembering how nice it is when a teenager and adults come and open a fancy door and treat you while acting like you're also an adult, or almost one. 

So the memory came back to me how in 2nd grade I teased their son.  I'd learned his indigenous name and its English translation, which I think was Bear Claw.  He didn't like me calling him that so he covered his ears, and then I made gestures of claws, and he didnt' like that either.  I think I did it more than once before letting it go.  Maybe I was jealous, though if I'm honest, the indigenous cultures that I romanticized at that age were far away, not all the indigenous people around me.  Mostly I was just an asshole.  I was also 7 years old.  So it's striking that I recall it so vividly - I remember a lot about that year in moments. It was the bicentennial and we spent a lot of classtime on that, including a presentation in which I tapdanced on a table in a red white and blue costume (!)  The teacher that year thought I was brilliant and advocated for every opportunity for me, which my parents pushed against because they (especially my father) were so opposed to me being elite in any way.  But we were still little, and I recall the girl beside me who always stole all the brown crayons, and that was really frustrating.  We lived together in a trailer park and she also stole my favorite bucket.  I don't know what happened to her.  I remember her not being happy, and I think I remember fighting from their trailer and other signs of neglect, but obviously my adult brain is making explanations. 

So as I was chainsawing a tree yesterday and I recalled making bearclaw gestures at a little Native boy who wanted me to stop and I didn't, I realized I was the fucking bully.  And I was repaid years later through kindness and generosity by his parents who helped usher me into adulthood.  Often I get much better than I deserve.   

 The other thought this took me with was money in retirement.  I was thinking about this with my formerly young friends now successful adults.  When we were friends in New Orleans and I was in grad school but a good 15 years older than them, we all lived in rundown rentals and maximized little money.  But he is now a doctor and apparently quite successful, and they have a very fancy house that they had built for them, with a swimming pool, and also a vacation home in the mountains.  All the trappings of wealth.  And I am of course happy for them and know we will still connect as we always have as we are soul friends, but that is a big change.  They can do things I cannot do because of money.  And that's fine, but like - if I want to visit and take my young friend out to dinner, if the dinner costs $300, that's my whole budget for food for the month, as I live now.  I think of the classmates' parents who took me to a fancy dinner, and I want to do that for young people, too.  Of course there are other ways to show up for people, but I'd like to have options.  

Frugality beckons to me always, but I want to have the resources to indulge from time to time, for myself and also for others.  And that may mean that I need to work longer than I'd hoped, to build up a sufficient nest egg.  I do just want to be sure that I'm assessing for quality of life and not getting sucked into other values.  I don't care to be wealthier, I just don't want to stress about money.  

And now it's time to walk the dog.  

halfway through the week

 This is the slowest work week that I will have in a long time, and so I'm leaning into it.  And when the grind is loosened and lighter, things are so much better.  I can breathe and move. 

So maybe I don't need retirement, I just need a less onerous job.  The problem is that anytime I start a new job, it's always hard to start.  So much specificity, new things to learn.  So now after three years I fall into a groove a little.  People know me now, put up with me.  

And I can breathe and move and I feel soooo much better.  LIke really good.  Like I flipped over a big bin of compost yesterday, starting quilting again.  Reading and enjoying it.

and I don't know if it's the less arduous workload, or going off the rails with the diet, or what.  But hot damn it's nice to feel better and I want to know how to make it last.  It reminds me of when I was on a refugee camp for months without coffee or sugar and then a friend took me to the city, a bakery, and I felt human again.  Is sugar my fuel? 

 **

And now the week is done, yay.  I took off an hour early and went full Paul Bunyan.  I have an ash tree, about 20' tall or more, and I want it gone.  A disease is hitting them and it's showing what I think are first signs, so I don't want to wait until it dies.  It also makes a TON of litter that leads to thousands of sprouts I have to pull each spring, and I want something else in that spot.  So, I've taken off all the limbs, and now I have to just take off the crown and trunk down to ground.  I do have a chainsaw, which I've not ever used, so this will be its inaugural use.  The trunk will become firewood, and the rest will get chopped down and if I can put it in the green bin over the next couple of months, or maybe I'll take a truckload to the green waste place that makes compost.  The problem with that is I have to pay like $15 to drop it off and it's a drive, so, frugal wise it makes sense to just do it bit by bit.  I do have two good spots in my yard to keep piles of branches, so I think I'll do that.  Until I get frustrated and want it all gone, lol. 

A colleague told me today that I am the only person in her life - personal or professional - who does not cause her to groan when I call, because I keep the info succinct, and so she always answers if she can when she sees it's me.  She always wants to text and going back and forth with long texts is tedious and poor communication, I find, so I call.  Anyway, that was nice of her.  She feels bad for overreacting because she didn't listen to a voicemail from me and thought she hadn't been informed of something. She was.  Just when we talked later, it was about another matter.  She and I talk A LOT.  Anyway, that was nice of her to say.  

Also on tap for tomorrow is farmers market, where I'll get more snowpeas and carrots.  I read an article about "Big Carrot" that took over a California town, and now I just want locally grown, no carrot mafia, and I'll pay more until mine are producing.  I do like carrots.  And potatoes, to cook with the chard I got last week.  And a chocolate chip cookie, which I've been wanting for ages and I'm holding out for a very good one, which I'm sure to find tomorrow.  Oh, and probably some eggs.  I also don't like industrial chicken farming.  And if there are other thigns which strike my fancy.  I'm still good on some things that I bought last week like the kale, chard, bok choy.  All of which I have plans to make soon.  WAs going to make some tonight but that ash tree kicked my butt - that was hard work.  I did all the sawing off and chopping by hand, so my heartrate got up for sure.  But I'll be good to bike errands tomorrow.  

 Last night and this morning, I got notifications about a credit inquiry.  I took time to track it down and someone submitted a credit card application with my social security number, which I do not appreciate.  So this morning I froze my credit with the three agencies (why do we have three credit agencies??).  I would have done it last night but I unplugged my router when I was told I'd be charged $10 to keep using internet.  I used a ton more than usual in April because of a work project with video, and I was trying to limp along until it reset, but I got an email at 9:30 pm on April 30 that I'd exceeded it, and by the time I saw that email at like 9:48pm and immediate unplugged the router, it was probably too late.  It's just $10, it's not the end of the world, but it's the principle of the matter to me.  No more work videos at home.  

And I have good books to read this weekend.  Just got Samin Nosrat's latest from the library.  Really enjoying The Colony by Annika Norlin so far, past halfway, curious how things will continue to develop.  It's been a great book to read before bed.  And I have a couple of others including about retirement financing, etc. 

I just cannot get over how nice it is to feel well.  It's been over a week now and it's just night and day difference from how I was just before then - for months.  It's awful to feel so bad for so long.  If I could just figure out what makes the difference, I'd do it no matter how hard.  What is the difference?  I was so ravenously hungry that day that I went out to an early dinner with Friend.  I left work early to do so.  I had a salad, patty melt with feta, fries, and then I got ice cream.  The next day I had more salad, drank some turmeric tea.  Been great ever since.  Maybe it's not food but ... what else can it be?  I don't know and really want to.  Maybe it's my thyroid.  The weather has changed some, more to spring and less winter (the heat has been turned off for awhile).  Work is less stressful, I read before bed instead of computer.   

 **

OO wee, just dropped $35 at the farmers market for a small bag.  $7 for a bag of carrots, that kind of pricing.  I stopped at the stand with the guy I really like because he likes to talk about the food - it's a large busy stand but he always takes time to give full attention to me.  Today we talked about the two varieties of cucumbers, and he said one was thinner skinned so maybe preferred for eating, and I said but isn't that also shorter shelf life and he was like great counterpoint, arguably so.  I'm a produce nerd so live for these things.  The ones I got are source from another country, a specialty type unique to them.  If I'd stayed and pushed he would have given it all up, but I just got some to try to see how hard I want to work to get him to divulge his secrets.  Then I got some eggs (definitely not cleaned), some other produce, and then last stop at the bakery stand.  They have an inefficient system that always makes me a little crazy but it forces you to look at all the goodies so I understand the sales psychology, plus the long line has to go a certain way.  they had chocolate chip cookies, which I've been wanting for days and have held out for.  He asked which one I wanted and he started digging through the pile to find the best one, but I just wanted the top middle one though appreciated his efforts.  The woman behind me also wanted just the top middle of another type, and I said, "Something about the middle, right?" and he said, "Looks like we've had good kids this week earning treats.  See you next week!"  And that seems patronizing when I put that in writing but it was actually sweet and inclusive, and I liked it.  

I remember reading somewhere about how these type of interactions are really important to our well-being, and I agree. 

I thought about emailing to ask the bakery if they want to hire me for part-time help just for the market, but of course I don't have the capacity for any other commitments.  Wish I did though.  I could bag up that bread and run that register like a champ.   

The air is really heavy and thick today.  If we were in New Orleans I'd say a storm is coming, but it's just the way it gets here with no relief.  It's nearly 10 and I do want to get out and take down that tree, just gearing myself up for it.  

**

OK!  Some more hours to it, and that tree is DOWN.  I was nervous about using the chainsaw at first, and the neighbor saw me up on the ladder sawing away as he walked past and offered his.  To be honest, I think I just need a good hand saw for cutting logs in the future, if it's just a small job like this (one tree, or pruning).  (If I'm ever going back to the days of harvesting and processing my own firewood, then I'll get a good powerful one.)  I did finally gear up my chainsaw and it wasn't very powerful (it's electric) and chainsaws are just fussy with all the sharpening and the oiling and chain tightening and all the things.  It's fine, I got the job DONE.  I cut the stump to the ground, all the trunk is in chunks for firewood or other purposes, and almost all the branches are chopped for the compost bin.  I just didn't have it in me to finish that task with the front yard limbs, so they will just sit in the street for awhile longer.  Maybe tomorrow I'll take care of them, but I am WHOOPED today.  Sawing and chopping is hard fucking work, man.

 BUT

I saved hundreds of dollars by not hiring somebody, and I got aerobic and strength exercise.  So that is definitely a win.  

OH CRAP.  I was so focused on market and tree that I forgot about the sourdough bread and it's overproofed.  Oh well.  Oven is on now and it'll get in there to bake soon.  And I'll shower, and then hopefully I'll get the momentum to make kale white bean soup, which will go so nicely with the sourdough when it's out and cooled.  and then I think I will be done moving for the day because being a lumberjack is no joke.  

I do for sure want to learn to prune fruit trees this year and do it myself.  I very much like the guy who trims my trees, but saving that money is probably a good thing.  

Oh bummer for me, the place out the road where I pick fruit for wicked cheap (like 50 cents an apple, and I only just finished those apples recently because I got so many and they're very good) is selling (though I do still have dehydrated ones!).  For 1.35 million so clearly not for me.  I hope they have good adventures ahead.  I know that land is a lot of work and they kept it pristine and were generous to share for so cheaply.   

 **

I always forget how easy this kale white bean soup is and how quickly it cooks up, so yay for a big bowl of that for dinner with a thick slice of sourdough with butter.  I still want ... something.  So I'll probably make a mug of cocoa (the cacao I got from Trader Joe's I like much less than what I got at Costco but they no longer have) or maybe thaw some berries to eat with yogurt.