jars

 It may be the silliest fixation, but I love reusing jars.  When I have a bunch of empty jars because I used up what was in them and am washing to use again, I feel so satisfied.  Whether that's from canning or storage of bulk foods, it doesn't matter.  It's just the reducing packaging consumption and not exposing to plastic that thrills me so, as well as the indication that I've been eating healthy things.

 I also get a kick from saving money.  I got three half-gallon thermoses on clearance for $5 each, and I am just so tickled.  They are the perfect size for car camping trips and easy to manage.  And I noticed that car batteries are finally on sale but of course what I need is out of stock, so a raincheck.  I'll be back to save $10.  And I treated myself with some headphones for my phone.  If I'm going to be walking more, I want headphones.  Maybe i'll start listening to audiobooks.  Probably not, but podcasts are good, news stories.  I used to listen to BBC Network Africa all the time when I went to the gym, loving that rooster call and the happy memories it brought back from my time in West Africa and mornings waking up on a refugee camp.  Back in the days before cell phones and all this advanced technology, with my little MP3 player, I'd download the programming.  Anyway, the headphones were $29.99, and highly reviewed, so not budget busting and can be helping me with a healthy lifestyle.  Maybe I'd also listen to calming sounds in stressful times at the office.  It's all possible now.  

The walk was fine though I doubt I'll return - it's by busy streets and I very much did not like that noise.  Headphones would have helped.  

Oh, I figured out what to do with the turkey meat - I'll make a big batch of posole, and save some for myself and THEN add the turkey meat and share all of that.  Boom, winning.  Got some poblano peppers on sale for it. 

The walk definitely did not make me feel better.  Now I hurt and I'm tired.  i'll be ok.  Still glad I went.  Would like to build up my stamina.  

Oooo, I may have figured out what to do with shredded zucchini - these protein biscuits could be a nice breakfast.  I can also use up a jar of nutritional yeast and a jar of sundried tomatoes to make them, which delights me even more.  

And, if I make the posole I'm planning, then i will get to go to Costco because I'm out of onions.  I'm coming for you, my favorite tofu!!  

**

Well it's Sunday now and I feel even worse.  Now my throat hurts, too.  It might be a cold or flu, but it might also be allergens and I need to be better about showering and laundering after being outside with the tree pollen.  Well, I'll launder today, and the other cleaning things.  I'll have to summon the energy.  The dog walk will be short.  Unfortunately Monday is a very packed day that I cannot call in sick for.  

Yesterday I didn't have much energy and spent a ton of time scrolling on Facebook.  I'm not doomscrolling or anything - my feed is curated to more interesting things, like whole foods and historically factual stories about people I didn't know, often inspiring.   

Anyway, I came upon this intentional community in Hawaii which has me veeerrrry interested.  The model appeals to me in many ways - being fully off-grid, doing more with less, growing the food, a simple inexpensive life, shared meals and land, etc.  It's been around for a couple of decades and so some of the lessons have been learned but they're continuing to be learned.  It requires a level of communication and community engagement that I'm not skilled at but could potentially learn, once i detox from the antagonistic stressful life that currently consumes me.  I've read a bit and watched some videos, and I think perhaps the thing that would be most challenging at least at first would be the sogginess.  It's a wet area and so humid all the time even when not raining.  But I could find out!  Also, there is so. much. fruit.  I don't eat so much fruit anymore, focusing much more on vegetables and legumes, so I'd have to see how that works for my health.  I think the steps I would take are once there's no more dog, go spend a week there.  Then after retirement, spend a month.  See how it goes, engage.  Gradually extend the time and see if membership in the community is what I'd like and they'd like.  I'm not everyone's cup of tea for sure and that's fine.  If all agree that I would join, there is a cash buy-in to the land, and then eventually I'd probably want to build my own little home, a sleeping and retreat place because the kitchen is a large shared space and the bathrooms are outhouses (humanure), and that would become part of the community.  It could potentially be a final place for me to be if all were to go well, but it also could be for just a few years, and I wouldn't have put myself into a bad financial spot because the costs are low.  It sounds like my social security would more than cover all my needs, and I could start a little cottage industry perhaps of some sort.  Or not.  I could just do the daily pitching in with work parties, and cooking, and the life things.  It sounds frankly fantastic.  I could have so many of the things that I want without having the full responsibility for them, such as chickens.  

oh, my local discount store just posted a deal that I think is an error - a very low price for a 100' hose that is lighter to manage.  I thought I saw them for more like $60 on the shelves, but this is for $15.  OK, I'll get one and make sure I get the right thing, and try it out, and if I like it get another.  Watering is such a huge pain in my ass, but part of that is because of the heavy hoses in poor condition (which I got for free, so I'm not complaining).   

Scale says I'm down 0.6 pounds.  I'll take it.  That's the second lowest weight I've tracked - it was lower once in February but I think that's when I had a stomach issue.  So, still making progress.   

 Ok, so I did some more research on the intentional community, and I now have two red flags: volcano eruptions and rats.  I'm less concerned about lava than I am about bad quality.  I remember the ash from Mt. St. Helens - it's no joke.  My lungs have zero tolerance for that.  And rats ... I saw a mention of it on an old newsletter, and then talk of snail infestation, and ... rat lungworm is no fucking joke.  I say this as somebody whose quality of life DRASTICALLY deteriorated as a result of tropical diseases.  

**

Oof, what an exhausting day at work, and I didn't sleep well, and the dog woke me too early to bark, and ugh.  

I think I may need to start checking my blood sugar because it just seems so low when I get so rundown, but maybe it's not.  Maybe it's something else.

I am though treating myself to dinner with potatoes and sausage and cabbage (from my garden and chopped & frozen) and sour cream (mostly cabbage, to use it all up and because it's always the star).  This is comfort food for sure.  I wanted a bit of kielbasa, but what was sold to me as kielbasa was not, so we'll see if it's any good.  Can't go wrong with potatoes and cabbage, though.  Yum.  Oh, and then, some jarred pears.  I've still got a dozen or so jars to use up, and pear season will be here again before I know it - and they are hard to share because they're usually messed up in some way, not supermarket quality.  

So, I overcooked the potatoes and/or they aren't the ones I like.  I did buy them at the supermarket, and so just because it's organic at the supermarket doesn't mean it's farmers market quality.  It's not.  But, it's fine.  And I'm not crazy about the frozen cabbage, but hey, I'm using up what I grew, so that's good.  Sometimes when I've made this I roast the potatoes because that's my fave, but I was using one pan for everything today.  Why?  No real reason.  Just because. 

I did have a "protein biscuit" (made with red lentils) and it was ok.  Next time I need to make them smaller because the outside is way better than the inside.  And I wasn't hungry until lunchtime, when I came home and ate tofu and squash.  I was still hungry so had a slice of peanut butter toast, before heading back out to work.  And then came home exhausted and starving.  

Just made some turmeric tea; had green tea earlier.  Trying to consume some anti-inflammatories to see what they can do.  But I still feel crappy and I know this feeling - the only thing that's going to help me feel better is sugar.  Pulled a slice of chocolate peanut butter tofu pie from the freezer; it's pretty low sugar for what it is, relatively speaking, in part because they are pretty small pieces.  Hopefully enough to get me feeling human again.   

Oh wow, that's like kind of amazing, it's a switch flipping.  I feel waaaay better thanks to half a piece of this pie.  I mean, I still have a cold or whatevs, but the brain fog is vanished after a whole day of stuck brain.  

**

OK, a day of working from home, drinking tea, and not running around has helped.  Here's hoping I'm rounding the bend.  Making posole tonight I think.  Not the turkey for me, though.  Yuck.  

Oh, not bad, in less than 1.5 hours, I cooked up the posole and had a vegetarian bowl for me and one  bowl into my fridge, then added in the turkey and heated it up and distributed that out for three containers, and into the community refrigerator - which was unfortunately totally bare.  

I've started this new process of just packing everything up and into the fridge right away.  No waiting for it to cool to optimal temperature - it's just pop it in.  For some reason, psychologically that makes clean up so much easier for me, because I did that step like while my plated food was cooling, so it's one less step. That makes me more likely to do the dishes right away as well - which makes it a lot more likely that they don't sit waiting until tomorrow, which stresses me out to see them.  I'm also extremely proud of myself for my pattern of recognizing the correct container matching the quantity.  I don't always get it right, but I do quite often (even if I have to put some pressure on the lid to close all the way sometimes).  

Down to three heads of garlic from my garden in the pantry and I'm in mourning.  I could figure out better storage though - it's sprouting and showing brown spots.  It's still so much better than I buy in a grocery store though.  Will be growing even more next year (the current crop was actually less, because I thought I'd grown too much, but now I know).  (Also, if I grow too much, I can always give it away, freeze it, or powder it - lots to do with it.)   

Anyway, I just love that posole recipe from Publix via Ms. Moon.  Always hits the spot.  Nothing quite like hominy for me.  And at least three more people also get to enjoy it. 

I tried to move around my countertop kitchen appliances a bit today but realized it won't work.  I was seeing photos of other people's kitchens and saw that mine isn't TINY.  It just feels small to me.  On the countertops are cutting boards, toaster oven, knife block, water filter, coffee grinder, and kettle.  I tried fitting the toaster, water, coffee grinder, and kettle all in one little place but it very much did not work - though in the process I put all but the largest cutting boards into a drawer and that's nice.  Next time the carpenter is here I think I'll get him to hang the knife strip to get rid of the knife block.  I know it's not much space, but still.  I'm definitely NOT to the stage of needing to add a shelf to the end of my counters, I just want things to fit as well as possible and provide the most openness for me.  I often have things air drying on the countertops, and the butter dish, and a glass I'm drinking from, and a cloth napkin, and whatever I plan to cook next (currently black lentils are on my countertop with the pan I'll cook them in, just to keep me motivated to try that plan).  

Dang, it is so nice to be feeling better.  I hope this sticks, and that I can also knock off work on time tomorrow to make my elaborate bowl I'm imagining - roast sweet potato, cook black lentils, saute turnip greens, shred carrots, pick fava greens, toss on pumpkin seeds, mix tahini dressing.  Doesn't that sound good?  It's just a lot of steps.   

**

Since that post, I was feeling awful again, and now I'm better.  IT does seem that the less work stress there is, the better I feel.  Shocking, I know.

Lentils are simmering, sweet potato roasting, carrots shredded, onion chopped for turnip greens; I'm here to look up good seasoning for vegan greens.  No ham hock in these parts.  

So, it turned out ok.  Not crazy about the black lentils for this purpose, they were too dry.  and I made the tahini dressing with too much mustard.  But, it was a lot of chewing, which is satiating.  It was just way too much work to make essentially five dishes for just one meal.  It will be much better in the future when I already have some of the things prepared as leftovers.  

OK, I'm planning to buy a shit-ton at Costco tomorrow.  My favorite tofu is there, and inexpensive onions and sweet potatoes; I'll check the frozen salmon, coconut water (I like in summer) and pistachios are on sale, and so many good things ... 

A coworker gave me a thank you note and treats today, including chocolates.  I was so proud of myself - I ate one chocolate and then gave all the others away.  Got to catch up with a staff person who's back from parental leave, whom I really like.  Another staff person asked if I'd give her a recommendation for a promotion (which I successfully did for the one I got to see today), and of course, especially if she's assigned to me.  Also got email from former staff in Louisiana asking me for a recommendation, also of course.  I don't feel that positively about everybody, but these people I do.  Though, the former staff in Louisiana has moved and ... she doesn't meet the qualifications of the job she sent to me.  I don't need to correct her.  If she asks, I'll tell her, but otherwise I'll just encourage her in her job search.  We became good friends.  She is somebody who really has friendship-building and maintaining skills - she prioritizes that, with people she likes.  I have to respect her for it because I am really shitty at that.  She's encouraging me to move where she's moved to, and I'll add it to my list of places to check out.  She's grousing about the cost and difficulty buying houses there, but they're less than here, and I'd have a cash offer, which can help.  Also, I don't need to buy a house right away when I sell this one - I have lots of visiting to do.  

**

It's Friday, finally, yay.  Dog is happy, I'm happy.  I know I need to go to the protest tomorrow but it's further away in another town; contemplating if I take my bike to a bus and hitch a ride, or if I join a group on the bike paths to get there.  It's further than I usually bike, and then I have to walk, so, I dunno.  I don't want to kill myself at the beginning of the weekend.  But near to the protest in the other town is a Mexican market I've been wanting to go to - i saw excellent prices on spices, and a large bowl I was eyeing, and I think I saw a sign for homemade tortillas, and maybe I can get a good lunch there.  We had walked past at night when i took Friend to an event in that town, and I just don't go there usually.  

I do feel a bit better.  It may have to do with the vacuum cleaner - it had a smell from an "odor neutralizer" that was heavy perfume.  I started to feel better when I moved it out to the garage, and today I returned it to Costco and I definitely feel better having it out of my house.  Maybe I'm becoming that sensitive to smells?  It is possible, for sure.  I also returned the shitty car battery to Costco and got a bit of money refunded; it was so nice once I put the new battery in this morning to have it work so well.  No jumpstarting, no dead when I turn the key, no grinding.  If I just have to buy a new car battery every year, I guess that's not the end of the world, it's just annoying.  

I might go early to the bike rally because the meet is not too far from work - so I could feasibly swing by the farmers market, stash things in my office, and swing back buy.  I'll need to decide before I go though as I have to dig out access cards and such.  It would be a long day.  And no, I don't want to drive to the protest becuase I'll probably have to park far away and walk and ... my feet are not doing great.  Lotta pain.  Walking not good.

So, I did go to Costco and ... damn food is just expensive, especially if I don't want pesticide residue, which I'm trying to reduce these days.  I quit buying their dog food because it's manufactured by right-wing nutjobs, but it's my dog's favorite.

This will sound silly but I am legit mourning that I am on my last winter squash.  That has been a staple for months, cooked just about every week, the carbohydrate bedrock to many things, and one of the tastiest things I've even eaten.  I plan to cook it on S/unday for the neighborhood potluck, with lentils and pomegranate molasses and feta and pumpkins seeds - my favorite dish, which I will nto get to enjoy for another half a year.  But the other thing that I mourn the loss of is having that healthy food source on hand without having to spend money on it.  I thought I'd stock up on some organic sweet potatoes as the next foundation like that, but none to be found.  Plus, big ag just skeeves me out.  I read an article about "big carrot" - the carrot grower powerhouses that bullied locals over water rights through bad faith legal processes.  Dude, I don't want to support people and companies like that, at all.  My carrots are locally grown, I got a big bag the last week they'd be available, and I've been working my way through them.  I've planted peas - both shelling and pod - but it'll be awhile until they grow.  Next year, I plan to grow more over winter because the beds are pretty bare.  The arugula bolted ages ago, not a good variety for here, I'd say.  I think I saw turnip greens in under them so it'd be worth cleaning that up to see if there are turnip roots and greens to eat (though I'll be eating on the turnip greens I cooked last night for another couple of days).  Roasted turnips would make me very happy, though I'm not getting my hopes up because the last ones I pulled had been heavily eaten by critters and woody.  But the greens look good.  

Just checked my freezer list and my pantry, and I do still have some green beans and shredded zucchini to eat up, and some frozen cubed squash, and then my garden produced vegetables will be done.  Oh, but I do still have dehydrated cucumbers which I eat like chips, they're quite tasty indeed, and the dog agrees.  I don't eat many of them at a time.  And there's still fruit - just popped open another jar of free pears.  My pear tree is my pride and joy - I never water or fertilize it, but it gives me the best fruit.  And maybe the green plums will produce again this year; last year the aphids destroyed them all.  So tasty.  But of course, that won't start for months.  Things are just leafing now.  

Next year I can water down the juice even more for the pears.  I don't like canning them in just plain water, so I did juice/water mix.  

Just went to the garage to grab the final squash to put into the kitchen.  It's so gorgeous and I want to enjoy it until I slice and roast it on Sunday.  I'll take about 2/3 to the potluck, and the other 1/3 I'll roast to eat with leftover "stuffing" that I eat with squash, and which I froze.  I also plan to make lentil potato burritos, and red cabbage garbanzo salad.  I think with the frozen zucchini, I'll just thaw, drain, and saute it with onion.  See if it tastes good that way.  Maybe I can skip farmers market tomorrow.   

**

Oof, this flesh is weak.  I'm not going to be able to get my weary bones moving to protest today.  I stayed up a bit too late, and the dog had me up too early (she probably needed to puke, or maybe bathroom - she wasn't out long and she didn't bark at all, per the terms of our agreement).  I'm wiped out and need a weekend to recover.

I need to find my place within the revolution.  I read some challenges to the meaningfulness of these protests by people who are doing the much heavier lifting - we're all staying in our comfort zones and nothing is really happening.  That's fair.  And now i can't even do that without making myself very ill.  Well, I have about an hour to decide if I can make it or not, maybe I'll walk around the yard and see if that can inspire me.  The dog just wants me outside with her all the time, so sad when I want to come back inside.  Fill up the bike tires with air, take a shower, see if I can start to feel better.  The air quality monitor website says the pollen count is low, the air quality good.  Everything external is good to go - I do really want to bike on these routes that I don't know, expand my mind mapping, and I very much want to show up to protest this regime.  It's just my body that's the weak link.  I just hate how sick I get when I push myself too hard.  If I were retired this would be NBD - I wouldn't be running on fumes already from a too stressful job.  But my body's gas tank is already well below 1/4 tank, and I have to do things this weekend to feel better for the week ahead - prepare food, clean house and do garden chores, and be able to socialize appropriately with neighbors tomorrow (which is hard when I'm in pain).  Sigh.   I also have no real peer pressure here - nobody to buddy up with and people aren't very friendly.  I've tried volunteering for a variety of roles and have been thwarted in various ways.  So these are lonely events, which is weird.  

OK, even with a Costco run, my food budget for the month is right around $300.  I may pick up a few more things this weekend, such as green onions and sparkling water, but I'm mostly set with meals for the week.  

I'm contemplating investing in a better quality vacuum, such as a Miele or Sebo.  Those are both wicked expensive, but I'm tempted.  I'm tired of shitty vacuums.  I have Friend's old vacuum and it is really hard to manage.  I want a small canister one I think.  And I probably want the bag type - I have liked saving money with the bagless, but air quality is such a concern for me now.  

Walked the yard and I don't see enough space now for more fruit trees.  I'd love an apricot and cherry but, without taking out garden row space which I don't want to do right now, things would get too tight in part because I've already planted to fill in and those things are going to keep growing.