I wanted to go to bed by 9 pm because I was so tired but it didn't happen, and then when I finally made it into bed by about 10:30 pm, I was in the middle of a gripping section of Raja the Gullible that I wanted to finish, and then I couldn't sleep. Took a magnesium glycinate and grabbed my phone for the Calm app, and I was out soon. The magnesium glycinate has so far worked so well for me, which is pretty amazing. AND I saw that they sell it at my local pharmacy, so no more needing to go to a niche place where they try to get me to join their cult.
It really sucks that even on a long weekend I am consumed by work thoughts. Some are reasonable - oh, dont' forget to do that task - but others are completely not, such as future tripping about a difficult person. And I just can't seem to make it stop. it is better now - back a couple of years ago, it was really problematic with me not sleeping for multiple nights, like at all. So I'm very happy that those days are in the past, seemingly. But it is upsetting how much brain space these work things take up and how they trigger a nervous system response of annoyance, frustration, etc. I want to be able to just let them go.
I just don't recall being like this in the past. I could never really be bothered to be petty - I would forget the beef, or just not want to spend energy on it. But now I stew in annoyance. And that is really not great. I need to figure something else out. I will keep a notebook by my work computer and start writing the things down that I don't want to forget - that has helped in the past.
This just isn't how I want to spend my bandwidth, but also I'm like obsessed about other things - like paying off my house. I think about it CONSTANTLY. Or the harms that my dog can cause to other people, which causes me great anxiety.
Could this be from too much screentime? It's like my brain is rewired to be obsessive and agitated. i'm not a fan of this. At. All. I wonder if a therapist could help with this.
OK, it is raining heavy but I want to go out to do errands. It is too stressful to try to do them after work or on a lunch break, so I should just do them now. I think most of the places are open. Get glasses adjusted so they don't hurt so much, grocery store for the bulk lotion to refill a container, Trader Joe's for capers and pasta and sunflower seeds and such (they've been out of capers for months!). If I'm still feeling like I can be out in the world, maybe I swing over to Costco to get gas and be done with it.
Today I want to clean and launder all my bedding - including the pillows and duvet. Every time I read about dust mites and respiration during sleep, it freaks me out a little and I do this. I wash my sheets at least weekly - it just seems self-indulgent to do it more, but I sure do like clean sheets.
I'll be happy once it warms and dries up enough to be able to put my laundry line back up and start using that exclusively. The dryer is fine but outdoors is so much better. So long as the air quality is ok. Tbh, that's one of my least favorite things about here, how bad the air quality can be. Air can get pretty stagnant. I run my air filters a lot.
And some more cooking. The black beans I cooked yesterday turned out really good and the burrito hit the spot. I need to make up all of those burritos and freeze the ones I won't eat in the next couple of days. I've thawed the tofu that I froze (I really like the texture better that way) and processed the squash to roast those both for dinner today. I think the next meal I make will be barley-lentil stew, and that doesn't require a lot of prep work but it does take like an hour to cook and needs to be tended so it doesn't burn on the bottom, so I need to start that right at the end of the work day, no delaying. Also, I saw a video on Facebook of a salad that looks super good, with roasted red cabbage and quinoa. She was scant on prep details but I can probably figure it out. I have half a red cabbage to use up and I've not roasted it before like this but that seems a nice idea, and it includes sumac and I have some of that to use up; I could also have it with sardines perhaps. Always trying to figure out how to use sardines. Actually maybe I'll plan to make that tomorrow. My spice situation has been annoying me - I have a drawer of them and not everything fits, plus some of the containers are starting to fall apart or rust (I've had magnetic containers for years because I've kept them on refrigerators, but I'm not putting them on my brand new refrigerator, plus there's WAY too much sunlight in my kitchen and the spices would deteriorate with all that light). I'd like to figure out a different system.
OK, I don't want to waste my day on the computer, so it's time to start moving.
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