another lump on the dog

 The dog has been developing lumps, one large and some small.  And now I'm feeling one around her thyroid.  

I feel torn in an ethical dilemma because she so hates veterinary care.  If she has cancer, am I going to drag her against her will for surgery and radiation and chemotherapy?  Make her ill and upset?  Or let her live out her life without that stress?  She's more than 11 years old, been with me about 10.5 and was full size when I got her (we thought she was young because she's small for a Catahoula and because she was such an asshole like a teenage dog, but time has shown that she's not getting bigger and she's not chilling, like at all, so she's probably nearer to 12 years old).  

Is my obligation to provide all possible veterinary care to her, to possibly extend her life?  Is that what I signed up for those many years ago?

I don't think so.  She got regular veterinary care for all her life until last year when she bit the vet.  She was fine with the vet the first few years of her life (really liked him in fact), and he helped me through the rough patches - her heartworm treatment (it's the pits), when she bit someone and needed health clearance, etc.  He's very old school (he's been working there since 1967!) but we both trusted him fully.  And it's been downhill ever since, and now she hates veterinary care with blind rage.   

The official lifespan for Catahoulas is 10-14 years, so we're already in range.  She came to me from the streets of New Orleans where she was picked up after running away or being abandoned.  So I don't want to have a savior complex, and things haven't been perfect, but she could have had a way worse life.  

And when she dies, I will be devastated, because she takes up so much of my life.  Everything will feel empty for a long time.  but that doesn't mean I should try every mean to keep her alive longer.  I want quality of life over quantity - for me and for her.  My hope is that she passes peacefully in her sleep, but the point at which she's suffering, there are mobile vets who can come to the home to put dogs down. I'd rather do it myself than have a stranger in her airspace (not her favorite thing) at the end, but at least I'll be there with her, in a place where she feels safe.  Anesthesia runs its own risks especially in older pets, and I don't want her to die on an operating table, having been tortured (her feeling about it, not objectively true) by strangers with sedation. 

I just keep doubting myself, and the new lump started a new round of doubt.  But I think this is the most ethical path, or at least one that I can live with.