this is not the place

 Or, my nine month itch.

I got here in February, so it's right at nine months.  I'm right on time for my usual "oh this place blows."

Of course I always knew this place blows.  I've been making fun of it for almost 40 years as a boring backwater.  

I didn't come here because I thought I'd like the place.  I know I don't like the place.  I'm here to keep my best friend alive and to make bank.  

Sometimes I try to convince myself I can stay here until I die, and that is of course feasibly so.  I could work another 15 years to pay off this overpriced house and spend my golden years in this relatively safe, flat place.  Flat is good for accessibility, especially when I consider a day when I cannot drive.  This is a place with a lot of old people and I assume it's perfectly fine to live out my golden years.

But it's not me.  I don't fit here.  It's fine for opportunities it provides, but I do not like it, not really.  

And people are cold.  I had a friend I knew from Louisiana who moved to the Pacific NW and in three years, not one coworker asked her to join for lunch.  Same.  People seem friendly but they're not really.  Not in real ways.

I always say how much I love the South - which surprises me more than anyone - and maybe I'll return there.  I find people much warmer and more welcoming in many ways there.  

I do have good friends here, very good friends.  But I should have more, and seeing how to make friends here is tough.  

Work is also weird, with high school clique personalities.  NOt the people actually in my office but beyond.  Their behaviors are so weird.  And some are escalating the negative behaviors toward me lately because I won't play their games.  They may also be upset that the big bosses seem to really like me, and I expect more of everyone.  I'm not a business as usual person, I"m a let's all dig in and do better person, and that annoys many people.  And I don't give a fuck that they're annoyed, which of course annoys them more.  They'll get over it, and it doesn't bother me, I just note it, because it reflects on their lack of integrity.

Can I last four and a half more years?  I hope so.  Seven months has gone pretty quickly.  

But what comes next?  

I do not know.  

Maybe the Cayman Islands somehow?  I sure did like it there.