two interviews down

 The second interview was ... less interesting than the first.  Less flowing.  Less engaging.  I didn't really light up as I can. 

But also, they didn't ask me a single question about diversity/equity/inclusion.  Not a single thing, which is pretty alarming because of what it is, and implicit biases ruin lives.  All three interviewers were white women.  

In contrast, the first interview was almost all about diversity/equity/inclusion.  They wanted specific examples and then more specifics and then philosophies of it and everything.  I've never felt so challenged but also heard, because I have lived my life trying very very hard to not be prejudiced.  And standing up for other people who are mistreated because of all the isms.  I check my bias constantly, and I check other people's as well.  Oh, and of the four interviewers, three were different ethnicities and I got kind of a gay vibe off the 4th.  

That kind of changes my analysis of the jobs, though perhaps if offered the second interview job I could be a leader for change and push the organization to do much better.  Because it was honestly kind of alarming.  

And then I slept for almost ten hours.  I needed a good night sleep.  

I have significant concerns about returning to a demanding job and my health, but I also want to push myself to continue to grow.  

And there will be worse things than staying here, so long as the work drama can stay off of me.  ONce I finish the house fixing up, I could turn my attention to other ventures.  I could get a side gig.  I could join a gym and focus on my health.  I could volunteer and join activities to spend time with friends and meet new people.  

I'm just ready to transition in some way.  AFter nearly a year and a half so focused on repairing my house and yard, I want a new focus.  And I want more fun.