flaring

 I'm on what feels like maybe the downside of a flare-up and while not pain-free I am hopeful I'll be able to keep moving.  I have an appointment today an orthotics guy and we'll talk shoes and hopefully I can get footwear that allows me to walk more.  

I miss walking.  And I really miss it without pain.  I used to walk so much and I still walk more than most in a casual way but I am also often limping along.  

This flare-up was so bad I asked the doctor's office for a referral to a rheumatologist and they said "joint pain" is insufficient and it'll be rejected. What the fuck?  I have known serious arthritis in my feet and similar joint pain everywhere.  How is that not within a rheumatologist's purview?

I got spooked by reading how treatment helps slow the disease's progress because I'm not getting treatment. I'm also really worried about the brain fogginess that accompanies a flare-up because I could lose my job for poor performance.  I have a very demanding job that requires full mental faculties.  I can't keep getting knocked down like this.  

Plus, I have good insurance and I want to use it.  Most of my colonoscopy is now processed and I have to pay $0.  I like that.  

I pushed myself too hard which made things worse.  I wanted to bike to work on Monday because the weather was nice and I'd been planning on it.  My body was saying no, but I thought of what other people say about how pushing through that no to exercise always makes them feel better.

It does not make me feel better.  Not at all. Pushing myself physically incapacitates me for days.  Recovery is slower and less complete each time.  

Clearly something is wrong with how my body is functioning and I want answers and strategies.