action

 I am the kind of person who sees a problem and wants to take action, but sometimes I have to make myself wait.

I need to keep reminding myself to sit on my hands instead of applying for jobs that are subpar in some way - whether it be work I don't particularly enjoy or a salary below my expectations.  I just saw an opening for a job that pays so little money in a very expensive place, and how can that really be possible?  How do people afford it?  And I started thinking "Oh, if they make it mostly remote I can live with my friend hours away for cheap and commute those hours every so often and stay with another friend, and ..."

Why?  Why would I do this to myself?  I deserve a salary that allows me to live without couch crashing.  Yes, I like helping people.  I also like saving for retirement and having housing.  

If I do sell my house and do move west and the plum jobs aren't offered to me by then, then I ,can look at second-tier options.  But I'm not there yet and I need to stop talking myself into them.  I need to stop acting like I'm moving right away because I keep needing things that I already gave away.  

I can also wait a beat and see if I'm offered either of the two jobs I just interviewed for.  I only need one good offer and it doesn't have to be immediate.  I would like a little time off after I leave here.  

I only slept about three hours last night, tossing and turning with disgust at the bullying at work.  I thought of calling in sick, but no.  I'll be there.  Pushing back.  I looked up unemployment in case they can just lay me off, but it's not super helpful and I have some rainy day savings that don't require the hoop jumping of unemployment.  

I'm in a holding pattern.  I'm pushing on my realtor too because I think she's not doing a very good job.  So I guess I am still in a place of action, the pushing back.

***

So I stormed into work and I took no prisoners.  The toxic supervisor was being nice to me (actually speaking to me) because she thought she won, and then one of my best allies walked into the office.  The ally for me is problematic in many ways, but she has backed me on some key things, so I pulled her in to correct my supervisor (her underling).  I later cornered the ally and asked, "Are you all trying to make me quit?  I just want to know, because that's sure how this seems."  She shouted "No!  Absolutely not!  The opposite!  We do very good work together!"  

So then I went to the leader of the new-to-me team.  I broke some things down for him, like they may say my time is devoted to him, but only 1/3 of it because the other 2/3 is for duties that have not evaporated.  And then I asked point blank if he wanted me to move out of my nice office into his areas (with the awful closet without a window space).  He said the decision was made, it's a done deal, they even moved furniture.  And I said NOBODY CONSULTED WITH ME EVER AT ANY POINT, but previously I had made it VERY clear to the two people in charge that I do not ever want to moved out of my office.  And I said further that there is no such thing as a done deal there, ever.  They change their minds all the time.  I asked if I couldn't meet the needs that he sees without being forced to move offices, and he doesn't even know what his needs are. I had to identify many of them.  All of which I can do because I'm just on the other side of the lobby and always available by phone and email.

And I called out my toxic supervisor and said that while he may think that it's his idea, that she's bullying me, doing what I specifically asked not to be done, and what is NOT being done to anybody else.  That I am being targeted.  And if they want to bully and target me, then they want me to leave.

I know, I know, it's just a window.  But I feel strongly about how badly this is handled.  There is zero need to move me and it was never discussed with me and I previously made it clear that I'm opposed.  

Does my boss have the right to decide where people sit?  Sure.  But if you're moving your highest educated and accomplishing person after a year in a half from a space she likes, you better not do it to a closet.  And I'm not bragging - turns out that everyone knows that I'm the best.  I'm everyone's preference.  I do everything the best.  I mean, of course I do, but it's good to hear that it's recognized, because I immediately leveraged TF out of that.  I made a stink in front of people I know have my back and will stand up for me when I leave the room.  

So there that went.  And if I win and I get my way and an apology, then I will seriously think about staying here longer.  Because I do like my job 85% of the time and I'm good at it.  And I will show my gratitude by doing even better.  But if they still move me, I will get super focused on getting TF out of here.  

So now I'm home and I need to change clothes and start the painting chores.  Fixing holes, retexturing, cleaning, all the fun things.  I was supposed to have an insulation installer come but he canceled, and his rescheduling times are very limited which sucks.  The other insulation installers haven't even called me back.  This is so weird.  I just really don't want to have to do it myself, but I guess I could try to consider it again.  Ugh.