shade balance

 Today I went to lunch with a friend who had left her husband, and she told me about it.  Even though it happened awhile ago, it's our first chance to talk about it.  

And what I have learned after over a half century on this planet is that there is a careful line to walk.  Throw shade on the ex, but not too much - in this situation, I doubt that they'll get back together but they have children together.  She put up with so much from him for so long, but that was always her choice, so I'm not shaming her for that.  I just throw a few zingers to make her laugh hard and say "See this is why we're besties."  

She tried to make me feel better about being the white token at my job, reminding her of her family members who had to be convinced that I was one of the good white people.  Honestly it doesn't really bother me all that much.  It's always been this way in my life, being one of the good ones.  And I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's fine.

Another friend has broken up with her husband too but that's a really different situation wherein I'm friends with both.  I see more of him out and about and he told me about the split, but she's been in more contact with me lately too.  I want to be friends with them both, so there will be no zingers, no shade.  I'll listen and say "I'm sorry this is hard."  I am. It is hard.  

I used to have more opinions about people's relationships.  And I was almost always right in my forecasts of who would blow up.  But what I think and what their future holds - nobody cares.  So I finally learned to keep it quiet.