not about that cheer

 Christmas is not my holiday.  Never has been.  Childhood Christmases are memories of frantic mother (no one could feign helplessness like my father whom I ever heard once say he did not know where the vacuum cleaner was so couldn't help), of gifts falling short (often ordered too late and so catalog photos instead).  The mass consumerism always was distasteful, though I didn't know the concept.  Frenzy of eating all the special things and collapsing in a food coma watching bad movies, telling the other kids about the loot acquired.  

I don't remember my 18th Christmas.  I was in college then.  I think I went to a friend's house near school.  I hated college and dropped out, and I remember the next year: I was living with my toxic best friend in Denver, working at a Dairy Queen.  We were closed on Christmas and coworkers invited me to their houses and I politely declined and instead I sat and read books and it was wonderful.  We lived in a creepy apartment complex with a couple upstairs who always drunkenly fought, and I remember a neighbor seeing me sitting and reading trying to invite me over, but I wanted just to be alone and read.  I remember it being the first Christmas I really liked.

And I've done a lot of different Christmases all over with lots of different people.  One of my best friends insisted I join them and her crazy stepmother pulled together gifts at the last minute that was so sweet and creative.  Her stepmother was always nice to me but I guess she was psycho to others.  Well, we had Christmas.

But mostly I really like to have a quiet day alone.  Go nowhere, do nothing except read.  

REcently I said something to a coworker about how Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and she gasped.  "No, Christmas is the best!  It's Jesus's birthday!"

Obviously I cannot have a conversation with that, so I let her have it and walked away.  What do facts have to do with faith?  Not much. 

So I'm happy to spend this Christmas in a hammock reading a book with a dog by my side.  It's perfection.  I'll make some eggnog French toast and call it good.